Reply to Tell me how to tell my MIL she’s delusional without hurting her feelings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's pretty clear that your MIL is just a very egocentric person.  She makes suggestions that would be helpful for her to get her ideal world--one in which her son and grandchildren live close to her and she could see them as often as she wants.  She's so focused on this that she doesn't see how insensitive or unrealistic her suggestions are.

So, your husband needs to talk to his mother, gently, about her expectations.  Due to her state of mind, it can't be one conversation and done, that won't work.  He needs to constantly remind her that your work is "here" (wherever you live) and that you as a family are not moving closer and that you'll visit when you can, but that if she wants to see the grandkids more, she'll need to plan some trips out to see you.

As for her suggestion of having Larla come and stay with her for a few months, let your husband tell her that you aren't ready for Larla to be away from the two of you for that amount of time and that if she can't come and help out at your place, then you'll make other arrangements and she can visit with Larla sometime after the wedding.

FYI, there is really no way for you to convince her that her dream world is not going to happen and there is no point being rude to her to try and forestall additional unreasonable suggestions.  She won't take it from you and you'll only damage your family relationship with her if you try.  You need to get your husband to talk to his mother.  If she can be convinced, it will be by her son, not from his wife.[/quote]
OP here. Thank you for your input. Your post sums up my feelings well.

I agree that it's totally reasonable and understandable for grandparents to want to live closer to their children and grandchildren. I grew up with my grandparents nearby and enjoyed close, transformative relationships with them. I wouldn't want to deny my child the chance to have great relationships with my or DH's parents.

Perhaps I am angry, but I feel more annoyed than anything else. [b]MIL's persistence in trying to get us to move to her city and offering "answers" and assumptions for how to make it happen seems overbearing and inconsiderate of DH's and my ability to handle our lives on our own. [/b]My parents would love for us to move to their city as well, but they're not pushy about it, nor would they think I'd ever send my child there for a season.[/quote]

No snark intended, but seriously if you feel this way, the LAST thing you should be doing is reaching out for help (for example, for babysitting).  Reach out to your own parents for help, or hire someone, but don't ask anything of her if you feel like deep down she feels you two aren't handling things independently.  Don't give her any additional reasons to believe that!  [/quote]

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