Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you asked for help with childcare, your mother-in-law was kind enough to offer to watch your child ALL SUMMER if that was needed, and your response is to complain about her? How unkind you are, how self-centered. She sounds like a caring family member trying to help as best she can.

Hi, MIL,

That's not what happened. Op asked for help for one weekend and MIL responded by offering to take the child from his home and parents for three months.

some parents would consider that a favor. take it or leave it; lectures are entirely unnecessary and counterproductive

Oh, please. Would you or would you not find it intrusive and undermining if you had a conversation with your MIL that went like this:

"Jean, I have a work event on Tuesday night; would you mind staying with Junior and cooking dinner for him?"

"Yes, Deborah, I will do that. I also can watch him for the full holiday season, and will cook your Thanksgiving meal for you as well."

Oh who cares? Intrusive/undermining?? I’d just decline and be on my way.

OK. Sure. If you asked a neighbor for a ride across town, and she said yes and she'd also be happy to drive you to California, you wouldn't think anything of it. Uh huh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make it clearer that this will NEVER happen or she may ask again and again and again, or push back on you, saying that it is "normal" and "fine".

"Larlo will never be staying with you for the summer. Please do not suggest it again. While DH and I would have appreciated it if you had offered to help out for the weekend, as both my mom and my sister kindly did, we are aghast that from our request for a mere couple days, you would come back with an implication that we would ever leave a 3-year old with an elderly women for 3-months away from his loving and caring parents."

Good god, you're a total bitch. What's wrong with you?

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you asked for help with childcare, your mother-in-law was kind enough to offer to watch your child ALL SUMMER if that was needed, and your response is to complain about her? How unkind you are, how self-centered. She sounds like a caring family member trying to help as best she can.

Hi, MIL,

That's not what happened. Op asked for help for one weekend and MIL responded by offering to take the child from his home and parents for three months.

some parents would consider that a favor. take it or leave it; lectures are entirely unnecessary and counterproductive

Oh, please. Would you or would you not find it intrusive and undermining if you had a conversation with your MIL that went like this:

"Jean, I have a work event on Tuesday night; would you mind staying with Junior and cooking dinner for him?"

"Yes, Deborah, I will do that. I also can watch him for the full holiday season, and will cook your Thanksgiving meal for you as well."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you asked for help with childcare, your mother-in-law was kind enough to offer to watch your child ALL SUMMER if that was needed, and your response is to complain about her? How unkind you are, how self-centered. She sounds like a caring family member trying to help as best she can.

Hi, MIL,

That's not what happened. Op asked for help for one weekend and MIL responded by offering to take the child from his home and parents for three months.

some parents would consider that a favor. take it or leave it; lectures are entirely unnecessary and counterproductive

Oh, please. Would you or would you not find it intrusive and undermining if you had a conversation with your MIL that went like this:

"Jean, I have a work event on Tuesday night; would you mind staying with Junior and cooking dinner for him?"

"Yes, Deborah, I will do that. I also can watch him for the full holiday season, and will cook your Thanksgiving meal for you as well."

Oh who cares? Intrusive/undermining?? I’d just decline and be on my way.

OK. Sure. If you asked a neighbor for a ride across town, and she said yes and she'd also be happy to drive you to California, you wouldn't think anything of it. Uh huh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you asked for help with childcare, your mother-in-law was kind enough to offer to watch your child ALL SUMMER if that was needed, and your response is to complain about her? How unkind you are, how self-centered. She sounds like a caring family member trying to help as best she can.

Hi, MIL,

That's not what happened. Op asked for help for one weekend and MIL responded by offering to take the child from his home and parents for three months.

some parents would consider that a favor. take it or leave it; lectures are entirely unnecessary and counterproductive

Oh, please. Would you or would you not find it intrusive and undermining if you had a conversation with your MIL that went like this:

"Jean, I have a work event on Tuesday night; would you mind staying with Junior and cooking dinner for him?"

"Yes, Deborah, I will do that. I also can watch him for the full holiday season, and will cook your Thanksgiving meal for you as well."

Oh who cares? Intrusive/undermining?? I’d just decline and be on my way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you asked for help with childcare, your mother-in-law was kind enough to offer to watch your child ALL SUMMER if that was needed, and your response is to complain about her? How unkind you are, how self-centered. She sounds like a caring family member trying to help as best she can.

Hi, MIL,

That's not what happened. Op asked for help for one weekend and MIL responded by offering to take the child from his home and parents for three months.

some parents would consider that a favor. take it or leave it; lectures are entirely unnecessary and counterproductive

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you asked for help with childcare, your mother-in-law was kind enough to offer to watch your child ALL SUMMER if that was needed, and your response is to complain about her? How unkind you are, how self-centered. She sounds like a caring family member trying to help as best she can.

Hi, MIL,

That's not what happened. Op asked for help for one weekend and MIL responded by offering to take the child from his home and parents for three months.

some parents would consider that a favor. take it or leave it; lectures are entirely unnecessary and counterproductive

Oh, please. Would you or would you not find it intrusive and undermining if you had a conversation with your MIL that went like this:

"Jean, I have a work event on Tuesday night; would you mind staying with Junior and cooking dinner for him?"

"Yes, Deborah, I will do that. I also can watch him for the full holiday season, and will cook your Thanksgiving meal for you as well."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you asked for help with childcare, your mother-in-law was kind enough to offer to watch your child ALL SUMMER if that was needed, and your response is to complain about her? How unkind you are, how self-centered. She sounds like a caring family member trying to help as best she can.

Hi, MIL,

That's not what happened. Op asked for help for one weekend and MIL responded by offering to take the child from his home and parents for three months.

some parents would consider that a favor. take it or leave it; lectures are entirely unnecessary and counterproductive

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make it clearer that this will NEVER happen or she may ask again and again and again, or push back on you, saying that it is "normal" and "fine".

"Larlo will never be staying with you for the summer. Please do not suggest it again. While DH and I would have appreciated it if you had offered to help out for the weekend, as both my mom and my sister kindly did, we are aghast that from our request for a mere couple days, you would come back with an implication that we would ever leave a 3-year old with an elderly women for 3-months away from his loving and caring parents."

Good god, you're a total bitch. What's wrong with you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you asked for help with childcare, your mother-in-law was kind enough to offer to watch your child ALL SUMMER if that was needed, and your response is to complain about her? How unkind you are, how self-centered. She sounds like a caring family member trying to help as best she can.

Hi, MIL,

That's not what happened. Op asked for help for one weekend and MIL responded by offering to take the child from his home and parents for three months.

Anonymous wrote:I would make it clearer that this will NEVER happen or she may ask again and again and again, or push back on you, saying that it is "normal" and "fine".

"Larlo will never be staying with you for the summer. Please do not suggest it again. While DH and I would have appreciated it if you had offered to help out for the weekend, as both my mom and my sister kindly did, we are aghast that from our request for a mere couple days, you would come back with an implication that we would ever leave a 3-year old with an elderly women for 3-months away from his loving and caring parents."

Anonymous wrote:So you asked for help with childcare, your mother-in-law was kind enough to offer to watch your child ALL SUMMER if that was needed, and your response is to complain about her? How unkind you are, how self-centered. She sounds like a caring family member trying to help as best she can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty clear that your MIL is just a very egocentric person. She makes suggestions that would be helpful for her to get her ideal world--one in which her son and grandchildren live close to her and she could see them as often as she wants. She's so focused on this that she doesn't see how insensitive or unrealistic her suggestions are.

So, your husband needs to talk to his mother, gently, about her expectations. Due to her state of mind, it can't be one conversation and done, that won't work. He needs to constantly remind her that your work is "here" (wherever you live) and that you as a family are not moving closer and that you'll visit when you can, but that if she wants to see the grandkids more, she'll need to plan some trips out to see you.

As for her suggestion of having Larla come and stay with her for a few months, let your husband tell her that you aren't ready for Larla to be away from the two of you for that amount of time and that if she can't come and help out at your place, then you'll make other arrangements and she can visit with Larla sometime after the wedding.

FYI, there is really no way for you to convince her that her dream world is not going to happen and there is no point being rude to her to try and forestall additional unreasonable suggestions. She won't take it from you and you'll only damage your family relationship with her if you try. You need to get your husband to talk to his mother. If she can be convinced, it will be by her son, not from his wife.

OP here. Thank you for your input. Your post sums up my feelings well.

I agree that it's totally reasonable and understandable for grandparents to want to live closer to their children and grandchildren. I grew up with my grandparents nearby and enjoyed close, transformative relationships with them. I wouldn't want to deny my child the chance to have great relationships with my or DH's parents.

Perhaps I am angry, but I feel more annoyed than anything else. MIL's persistence in trying to get us to move to her city and offering "answers" and assumptions for how to make it happen seems overbearing and inconsiderate of DH's and my ability to handle our lives on our own. My parents would love for us to move to their city as well, but they're not pushy about it, nor would they think I'd ever send my child there for a season.