Reply to DW can't manage or handle her aging dad.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, when you try to talk to her, temper down your obvious disdain for your FIL.  Silence the "I'm about at my wit's end" side of things.  She probably sees it as attacking and goes on the defense.   I also think you need to learn to be a little more sympathetic, it goes a LONG way.

My dad has Parkinsons.  It has gotten worse over the past year and this is probably the last year that my mom will be able to leave him alone for a day.  As it is, she does basically everything around the house and has had to step up in ways she couldn't have imagined.  It's also caused my brother and I to step up.  It's REALLY hard to see your parent become a different person.  It's hard to see the anger, the personality changes, the physical changes, etc.  It sounds like your poor wife is doing this all one mentally and physically.  It's fine if you don't want to support her physically, but you need to step up mentally.   One of my biggest fears is  that my mom passes away before my dad. I can't imagine having to grieve over that loss while also under taking the responsibility of my dad.  Yes , we could get him 24/7 caregivers, but there is guilt associated with that.  It's something I don't think you can understand

So my takeaway is YES, your wife needs help , she needs to stand up to her dad, and she needs to take care of herself.  However, you need to be there for her. She needs your support, not your disdain and anger.  Given what you've said here and her responses to you, it doesn't sound like you're emotionally supportive at all.  You're just adding to her guilt and stress, which I don't think you mean to do. [/quote]

OP here. I definitely do not mean to add to her guilt and stress. That is not my intention at all. And I have clear disdain for my FIL, that is true.

It's so hard to see my wife doing this, that, driving here and there, picking up this that, stepping up as if she is a spouse AND paid domestic helper. On top of it, FIL is an asshole. My wife could go over there on Saturday for several hours. By Sunday he wants to know what her ETA is for Monday. It's never enough. This could go on for decades.[/quote]

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