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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At what point are you allowed to snoop on your spouse? A confirmed/confessed affair? Suspected affair? As a preventative measure?

Do you do these “spot checks” secretly or with your spouse knowing?[/quote]

When there are changes in behavior, time gaps, or other red flags. Keep it to yourself. If you find the spouse cheating immediately go to your lawyer and put yourself in the best situation possible. 
[/quote]

Personally, I never snooped on my ex-husband until I accidentally [b]stumbled across proof that he had lied to me about something serious.   Once he lied to me, then, [u]I felt free to snoop everywhere secretly[/u].[/b]  And, boy, was that an eye-opener!  I found out that my spouse had been lying to me about tons of stuff, including numerous sexual relationships with a variety of women since at least when I was pregnant with our first child.  Had I never snooped I would never have suspected.  And, I never would have been able to protect myself.  It was bad enough to end the relationship a mere 5 years and 2 kids after he proposed to me, but I can't imagine how much damage he would have done to me if I had stayed!  Thank goodness I snooped!!!! I will never feel bad about that or regret that because I gave him my complete trust until the first lie.

Trust is a two way street; one person gives it but the other person also has to earn it.  You are no longer entitled to my trust when you have demonstrated that you lie. [/quote]

That's what did it for me.  She was livid that I used available technology to snoop as if I was just supposed to go on letting her lie without any proof.  Looking me right in the face and lying her a$$ off.  I have no guilt about invading her privacy.  Once I knew she was lying, I needed to know the situation I was in and have the proof I needed.  It was worse than I thought and had gone on much longer than I thought.  Even after confronting her with what I knew, and telling her exactly how I found out, she STILL lied about it.  Incredible.  I think that after a while, lying is not just something she did, it became who she was and that wasn't going to change just because I knew the truth.[/quote]

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