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[quote=Anonymous]WTF are people saying about "in sickness and health"???

Seriously.

I really cannot believe they are serious.

Under that theory, drug abuse (including heroin) is just a sickness.

Under that theory, severe mental abuse (sex addicts who cheat daily) is just a sickness.

Under that theory, almost all abuse can be characterized as a "sickness" and you should just let it destroy your life.

We have divorce for a reason -- life before was REALLY bad for a lot of women and children (and some men, too).

OP -- I am going through this issue now.  Here's what I found helpful.  I have moved to a separate bedroom in the house.  Our relationship has separated.  I make sure that the door is locked to my bedroom so I am not tempted to engage in physical contact and create the bad cycle again.

I have free phone counseling at work (as much as I want) and I try to use it.  I also come to DCUM and my friends and try to get support.  I am detaching myself from this unhealthy cycle with a sweet and kind and fun but very very sick man.

I started putting paychecks into a separate account.  And, later in a moment of calmness, we have started to separate our finances fairly.  We even came up with a post-nuptial agreement on how to separate finances that we could not separate now.  (If he is unable to be well enough to do this, I recommend that you do it fairly and see if he'll be willing to sign.  The way that I did it, is that I wrote two agreements after I split up items into A & B -- one with me getting A and him B, and one with me getting B and him A, so he could see that I wasn't trying to trick him and would take EITHER pile).

I have NOT gotten a divorce lawyer, because I would like this to be done amicably, and I have friends who were able to submit agreement with the court that the court rubber stamped.  If we get a divorce lawyer, I hope to get one who represents both of us and just makes the divorce quickly.

Emotionally is the hardest part, because I'd almost be tricked into believing something has changed.  For me, this is 15 years later (please don't wait this long), so at this point, I simply know that nothing will change, and at one point, he even admitted it -- he said that he just doesn't want to lose me but it's not that he loves me.  It is truly a sickness.[/quote]

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