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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You have to establish that dialogue first with a few back and forth messages and then, if there appears to be mutual interest you can take it offline and ask for a first meeting in a safe place.  Just coffee is best. [b] Before then, you can offer to send her a selfie or other photos but don't ask for hers.  She will volunteer the same if she wants to but don't ask.[/b]
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[quote=Anonymous]
You have got to be kidding.  Who wastes time talking to someone without knowing how they look like first?[/quote]

I'm the PP and you are 100% correct.  I wasn't clear.  In my example, you've chosen to write to her based on her profile which I assume includes some photos that you like.  You write to her and maybe 20 other woman knowing that's what it takes to get a response from one.  Your message may not even get opened by 5 or 10 of them, buried in a pile of 100s of messages.  Another 5 are not even serious and/or looked at your profile and are not interested, or are too busy replying to the guys before you.

That said, my advice centers around not scaring her off, and setting yourself apart from the typical guys who are writing to her.  The goal is to set that first meeting.  I completely agree, I wouldn't waste time meeting anyone without seeing photos first.  BTDT, learned the hard way back in the day before camera phones or even digital cameras were common.  Never again.

My point, that I did a poor job of communicating is don't be "that guy" who asks for a bunch of photos in that first exchange because women get a lot of that. Do offer your photos (don't send unsolicited, offer first) and expect her to reciprocate if their is mutual interest and the message exchange continues.  She may find you hideous or get's turned off because: shirtless: includes a car, boat or motorcycle; includes your child; includes your pet; shows you in a foreign country, or anything I missed above.

I expect to go from messaging on the dating site to either e-mail, or texts if she trusts me enough to give her cell.  And then, to be certain, I want to see a recent photo and preferably a selfie taken right then, if possible, before we meet.  We all know that dating profile pics are very suspect.

This has been covered in other threads and I know there are women who will object to sending more photos or selfies before meeting, and I understand that.  But because I've been burned, I probably won't meet without it, unless I'm really satisfied with her profile photos, and I don't blame her for requiring the same of me.  Also, the women who aren't practicing deception by photography have never objected to sending selfies or other photos that are not on her profile.   [/quote]

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