Anonymous wrote:
You have to establish that dialogue first with a few back and forth messages and then, if there appears to be mutual interest you can take it offline and ask for a first meeting in a safe place. Just coffee is best. Before then, you can offer to send her a selfie or other photos but don't ask for hers. She will volunteer the same if she wants to but don't ask.

Anonymous wrote:
You have got to be kidding. Who wastes time talking to someone without knowing how they look like first?

I'm the PP and you are 100% correct. I wasn't clear. In my example, you've chosen to write to her based on her profile which I assume includes some photos that you like. You write to her and maybe 20 other woman knowing that's what it takes to get a response from one. Your message may not even get opened by 5 or 10 of them, buried in a pile of 100s of messages. Another 5 are not even serious and/or looked at your profile and are not interested, or are too busy replying to the guys before you.

That said, my advice centers around not scaring her off, and setting yourself apart from the typical guys who are writing to her. The goal is to set that first meeting. I completely agree, I wouldn't waste time meeting anyone without seeing photos first. BTDT, learned the hard way back in the day before camera phones or even digital cameras were common. Never again.

My point, that I did a poor job of communicating is don't be "that guy" who asks for a bunch of photos in that first exchange because women get a lot of that. Do offer your photos (don't send unsolicited, offer first) and expect her to reciprocate if their is mutual interest and the message exchange continues. She may find you hideous or get's turned off because: shirtless: includes a car, boat or motorcycle; includes your child; includes your pet; shows you in a foreign country, or anything I missed above.

I expect to go from messaging on the dating site to either e-mail, or texts if she trusts me enough to give her cell. And then, to be certain, I want to see a recent photo and preferably a selfie taken right then, if possible, before we meet. We all know that dating profile pics are very suspect.

This has been covered in other threads and I know there are women who will object to sending more photos or selfies before meeting, and I understand that. But because I've been burned, I probably won't meet without it, unless I'm really satisfied with her profile photos, and I don't blame her for requiring the same of me. Also, the women who aren't practicing deception by photography have never objected to sending selfies or other photos that are not on her profile.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pics with cats. So many men have pics with multiple cats. No one wants to date a creepy cat man.

LOL A guy I met through business seemed pretty normal, but I found him on Match years ago and got the shock of my life. He was wearing a sleeveless Tee with the dreaded bathroom shot holding his cat. Talk about creepy!!

The women who are shown in bars/clubs drinking with short dresses or the booby shirts are also the worst kind. Hitting 40 and up even more pathetic. Another obvious red flag are the idiots who state they lucky winner better like their kids!! You already know their kid is a brat at that point.

Ah, the trifecta: sleeveless tee, bathroom shot, and holding a cat!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The women who are shown in bars/clubs drinking with short dresses or the booby shirts are also the worst kind

Yes, men are famous for disliking women in short dresses.

A guy who has it together doesn't want a bar floozy for a spouse. I assume that's what we're talking about dating to eventually marry. Recreational fun....then yes lol I see what you mean!!!

"A guy who has it together" actually meaning "I exclude any man who enjoys a woman who drinks and wears short dresses". So you eliminate 99% of the not-gay guys. Your call.

Anonymous wrote:No shirtless photos, or photos with cars, motorcycles. No endless string of photos doing sports or adventurous stuff - one would suffice.

Write something. You would be surprised that 80%+ of profiles are pics only, in this age of swipe left and right - I skip most of those bc the guy didn't even bother.

Be brief, tell something you like, something you are, something you want, and what you can offer (in a fun way). Mention a hobby, be humorous. You will be miles ahead of all the boring profiles out there.

I agree, no shirtless photos for men.

In the same vein, can women post shirtless photos?

Yes:
More than one picture (people look really different in any given picture)
At least one full body (I do the same)
At least one without a hat
At least one without sunglasses
If you are married or otherwise not-single, please say that
If you are looking for casual, LTR, etc. say that
Let me know if you are completely tatted up

No:
selfies from the vantage point of underneath your chin (that is just bad no matter the person)
blurry pictures where I cannot tell it is you
pictures where you are a speck I cannot identify
bathroom selfies taken in a dirty bathroom (dirty mirror, towels laying around, Preparation H cream on counter)
every picture is with your kid(s) - I have them too, but that's just weird
personally, I am bored seeing men with fish, but maybe that's me
saying something like, "I'm 5'5" because apparently height is a thing" or "I'm 6'2", you can wear those heels you love." Yes, height is a thing, so just say it.

I've tried various approaches to my profile and on different sites. At this point, I want to put up accurate, varied pictures of myself. Let the guy know that I have a career, children, some of what I do in my free time...and the rest just comes after they decided if they like my pictures or not.

Anonymous wrote:

The women who are shown in bars/clubs drinking with short dresses or the booby shirts are also the worst kind

Yes, men are famous for disliking women in short dresses.

A guy who has it together doesn't want a bar floozy for a spouse. I assume that's what we're talking about dating to eventually marry. Recreational fun....then yes lol I see what you mean!!!

The women who are shown in bars/clubs drinking with short dresses or the booby shirts are also the worst kind

Yes, men are famous for disliking women in short dresses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pics with cats. So many men have pics with multiple cats. No one wants to date a creepy cat man.

LOL A guy I met through business seemed pretty normal, but I found him on Match years ago and got the shock of my life. He was wearing a sleeveless Tee with the dreaded bathroom shot holding his cat. Talk about creepy!!

The women who are shown in bars/clubs drinking with short dresses or the booby shirts are also the worst kind. Hitting 40 and up even more pathetic. Another obvious red flag are the idiots who state they lucky winner better like their kids!! You already know their kid is a brat at that point.

I am married now but when I was single I would absolutely 100% have preferred to date a guy who loves animals. Cat pic, dog pic - I'm in!

No shirtless pics, though, please - it seems too desperate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you taller than me
Do you date women with children
What your photos say ( i hate the bathroom selfies; the pics with other women; the pics of your foreign travel and your professional mug shot)

Uh, what do you have against foreign travel?

I think they mean't it shows you're trying to impress/brag a little too much. Maybe a nice photo or 2 but I would have to agree. Too many profiles are superficial.

Anonymous wrote:No pics with cats. So many men have pics with multiple cats. No one wants to date a creepy cat man.

LOL A guy I met through business seemed pretty normal, but I found him on Match years ago and got the shock of my life. He was wearing a sleeveless Tee with the dreaded bathroom shot holding his cat. Talk about creepy!!

The women who are shown in bars/clubs drinking with short dresses or the booby shirts are also the worst kind. Hitting 40 and up even more pathetic. Another obvious red flag are the idiots who state they lucky winner better like their kids!! You already know their kid is a brat at that point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men who specify body type of thin or athletic seem shallow. I can more than meet that criteria, but wouldn't see that in your profile and think " oh, that's me! I'm thin! He would love my bod!" nope, that got an ewwwww. So by stating that, you will actually turn away the (smart) girls with the ideal bod.

Would a women doing the same also be shallow?

Absolutely. Naturally a woman should not specify body type. We just want to know how tall you are and how much money you make and we've covered that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this to be very interesting when 98% of every women's profile is the same. Recently I've noticed that many of you like to dress up as wonder woman and put that in your pics. I keep wondering what I would look like dressed as superman or iron man on my dating profile. Oddly, most of you have a pic petting a wild animal or sitting in front of the taj majal or some other exotic place. Lots of you take pics with your children or men that have men spliced out or even multiple pics of you with five other women so I actually have to work to figure out which one you are. Did you know you ALL love to laugh and do almost anything outdoors? Especially the beach. Equally you just as comfortable in your sweats watching netflix as you are in your cocktail dress at a formal function. You could all be the same person.

Why don't some of you guys just approach women in person? 40+ men have no issue striking up a conversation IRL, but what's going on with under 35s?

You haven't been on this forum long.

Anonymous wrote:I find this to be very interesting when 98% of every women's profile is the same. Recently I've noticed that many of you like to dress up as wonder woman and put that in your pics. I keep wondering what I would look like dressed as superman or iron man on my dating profile. Oddly, most of you have a pic petting a wild animal or sitting in front of the taj majal or some other exotic place. Lots of you take pics with your children or men that have men spliced out or even multiple pics of you with five other women so I actually have to work to figure out which one you are. Did you know you ALL love to laugh and do almost anything outdoors? Especially the beach. Equally you just as comfortable in your sweats watching netflix as you are in your cocktail dress at a formal function. You could all be the same person.

Why don't some of you guys just approach women in person? 40+ men have no issue striking up a conversation IRL, but what's going on with under 35s?

I find this to be very interesting when 98% of every women's profile is the same. Recently I've noticed that many of you like to dress up as wonder woman and put that in your pics. I keep wondering what I would look like dressed as superman or iron man on my dating profile. Oddly, most of you have a pic petting a wild animal or sitting in front of the taj majal or some other exotic place. Lots of you take pics with your children or men that have men spliced out or even multiple pics of you with five other women so I actually have to work to figure out which one you are. Did you know you ALL love to laugh and do almost anything outdoors? Especially the beach. Equally you just as comfortable in your sweats watching netflix as you are in your cocktail dress at a formal function. You could all be the same person.

Anonymous wrote:No shirtless photos, or photos with cars, motorcycles. No endless string of photos doing sports or adventurous stuff - one would suffice.

Is an airplane OK?