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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP agree but before FIL passed she was involved in various organizations in town and went out with friends. She does nothing now. [/quote]

You keep returning to defend the idea that MIL is in trouble somehow but then you also seem to reject the idea that DH and BIL should be doing something other than refusing to see mom in person.

You also said above that "I'm only one person and it's greater than me." Can you see how that is a cop-out if you care for her? Are you afraid to upset or anger your DH? I can understand that fear on your part, but the "I'm only one person" plea rings hollow if you're really concerned. Are you talking to your DH about all this, or just going along with him and BIL and the use of the kids as a smokescreen for the real issue?

Was MIL in those organizations with FIL? It might be painful for her to return to activities they shared. If you can't see why that would be painful, well, unfortunately someday you will. Same with going out with friends. If she was part of organizations that were "hers" more than "theirs" as a couple, have DH and BIL encouraged her to return? Or are they so focused on the boyfriend that they haven't looked at that bigger picture and tried to talk to her about returning to old activities or finding new ones? This is all easier to do if they would only see her. They do not have to pretend to love the boyfriend; they only have to be civil, not even cordial; they do not have to let her and BF share a bedroom under their roofs. But noting things like how mom is not doing activities and is drinking -- and then using the boyfriend as the reason not to see her -- is really putting the focus in the wrong place.

It's easier for them to be angry with her for dating than it is for them to set the dating aside and talk to her about other concerns like being active, participating in the community if that's what she did before, or protecting her business. Has anyone bothered to look into that? Is she able to focus at work? Or is the boyfriend blinding these adult sons to all the other things they could be looking at? And why are you, "just one person," so leery of talking to your own DH? [/quote]

OP here. Thanks for the long response. My husband literally calls her very day and does encourage her to continue her life. He isn't saying don't date.. as much as he hates it.. [/quote]

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