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[quote=Anonymous]I have a "big" job and kids are 8 and 4. I can also use the mentoring as I certainly feel under water from time to time, but I'll also share what works for me (so far, and most of the time):

- Yes, outsource everything and buy as much as you can online. My amazing nanny runs my household and she does all of the errands while kids are in school. Drop off Amazon returns, pick up kids' uniforms and dance clothes, get the car's oil changed, etc. I never grocery shop. I don't even meal plan - we use Green Chef or Sunburst or we eat fishsticks and tacos. We cook a big meal on Sundays from scratch.

- Spend regular, quality time with kids. I NEVER work from 5-9 pm, unless I'm traveling.  I eat with the kids, do bedtime routine, and I read to them every evening even though the 8 year old could read to herself.

- Spend quality time with the kids when they need it. I take them to lunch or dinner, sometimes one on one, and just talk.  We also do a lot of good talking and listening in the car. I try to put my phone on the charging station and ignore it so that I'm present when I'm with them. Sometimes I fail at this, but it is a big goal of mine.

- I make time for the kids' activities during the day. Fortunately, I have a good deal of flexibility (not all careers permit for this), so I schedule their doctor appointments, school library parent days, music talent shows and the like on my work calendar and I make it to almost everything. Usually this means I have to make up for lost work hours at night and the downside of this is that I rarely sleep more than 5 hours a night. Not saying this is a good approach, as it's pretty unhealthy, but it makes me feel better that I don't miss the kids' events.

- Even though I make the above happen, my kids will ALWAYS say something like, "I don't want you to go to work. Why can't you stay home with me?" and I feel like a knife in the heart. Of course they don't say that to DH and they don't say it all the time.  But they're little, and they want mom and they will always say that, no matter how much time I'm able to spend with them. I have to tell myself that it's OK. And I have to force myself to believe it, though sometimes that is hard and I worry I'm not doing enough. The mom-guilt is real but it doesn't mean that I'm doing a bad job.

- Acknowledge that I will never be 100% at anything. Sad fact, but true. I cannot be perfect at everything, so I plan my kids bday parties at the last minute and we aren't very pinteresty, I don't have time to shop for myself, I am terrible with birthday gifts, we eat out more than we should, I feel guilty a good amount of the time, Dh and I don't have as much sex as we should, I don't do as much of the 'extra' stuff with work that I should to further my career.  I'm not 100% on anything, but I'm doing pretty good on most stuff and when something slips too much, I re-prioritize and fix that piece.

- Be unapologetic about your family priorities at work.  As one of the PPs posted, never apologize for your kids. Apologizing gives the impression there is something to apologize for.  Take care of your family priorities without apology and then take care of your work priorities. You may feel stressed and like you're falling behind, but chances are the people around you think, "wow, she is a good mom and still gets her sh*T done. That's impressive."

- delegate more and develop a team at work, if possible.  This is the part I am utterly failing at, but I am making this a priority for the year.

Good luck, OP.  [/quote]

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