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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]
 Totally agree. If you are in a low-conflict marriage, the kids probably won't even know you're unhappy unless you straight-out tell them. [/quote]

You really think that?  I don't agree.  DH and I are in a low conflict marriage but are not compatible any more.  8 year old DS told me last week that DH and I are not like other kids parents because we never kiss or hug.  I have no plans to get divorced, FWIW.  DH is really argumentative, particular, and unrelaxed, but by no means abusive, and he's very invested and involved with DH.[/quote]

My parents had a low-conflict and extremely unhappy marriage. There was no abuse, addiction, cheating, etc. I can count the number of times that they had big blow-out screaming matches on one hand. They are good people who did whatever they needed to do in order to successfully run a household and raise two kids. However, they are also fundamentally incompatible people who agreed to a semi-arranged marriage out of familial obligation and tradition. They did their best but it was a square peg in a round hole type of situation. Extreme compromises where no one is really happy works for short-term professional goals but not long term personal ones. It made them miserable and yes, it got worse over time- especially once there were no more distractions like eldercare, childcare, etc.

Even as a young child, I could see that they were unhappy. By the time I was a teenager, I absolutely knew that I didn't want their type of marriage. Growing up in household where marriage alternated between being an obligation and a prison, I became very commitment phobic as an adult. I was genuinely afraid that I would end up like my parents.

Today, my parents are still unhappy. But now that my sibling and I are adults, they feel comfortable openly talking about their unhappiness and how much they have sacrificed for us.

Today, my parents are still unhappy. However, since my sibling and I are adults, they now feel comfortable telling about their unhappiness.

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