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[quote=Anonymous]Hello ... OP here.  I was coming back to give a one year update and a bit surprised to see this thread still a bit active all this time later.

Signs?!  Well, yes they were abundant but I was viewing them through the lens of thinking I was happily married to a heterosexual guy.  He talked with his boyfriend pretty much every single day and they got together very often.  (Which I viewed as him having a good friend only.)  The friend was gay. (So what? His friend is gay ... doesn't make HIM gay.)  He traveled on out of town overnight buddy trips with this guy several times a year and they always shared hotel rooms.  (So what?  They are friends and it saves money to share a room ... it's not like they're having sex or something.)  He invited all his high school friends to our wedding except this one, who was his closest friend.  (I was too busy with wedding planning to really notice at the time.)  He introduced this friend to our little boy as "Uncle X" ... the only time he ever did that.  (Odd, but no big deal.)  He often lied about going to see this friend and would say he was somewhere else.  (When caught, I assumed he was lying to cover the fact he was drinking.  He's an alcoholic so it seemed reasonable.)  And of course, the biggest one of all, he didn't want or wasn't able to have sex with me for the vast majority of our marriage ... told me he had ED.  (I was very disappointed but "in sickness and in health" carried the day.)  Probably lots of other things.  But the primary problem was not the gayness, but rather the blatant cheating.  He cheated with other women as well.

So the update is that he has now been gone out of the house a full year and is still seeing his boyfriend in secret while dating women who have no idea what he is doing.  But at least he is not married to them.  I had a very nice boyfriend for a while and it was unbelievably wonderful ('nuff said.)  It didn't last for logistical reasons, but life going forward is bright and hopeful.

And the real update that is relevant to this thread is that my rage did eventually die down and I have not bothered to "out" him unless people specifically ask.  I don't keep his secret for him but I also don't seek opportunities to inflict harm.  I still think what he did totally sucks and my divorce settlement was very favorable to me.  I don't speak to him and would want no part of "friendship" with him.  I am sure he feels the same way about me and life goes on.  [/quote]

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