Reply to Pick up drop off fight with DH.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What is PT? I think your DH needs to step it up. I'm team wife here.

I do 100% when dh is on travel and it's tight and I too feel squeezed from all sides. I can't even stop for gas on my way to or from daycare pickup because it would make me late for work or late to pickup from daycare (there's a fine). It's so darn hard.

And yes, your dh can do it all in 45 minutes from 7:15-8am especially if you help a little. I get the baby up, change diaper, clothes and then she drinks her bottle (in the bathroom with me) while I brush my teeth and change clothes. I wake at 7 and get both of us out the door at 7:40.

Why can't your dh at least just drop off at the daycare? That alone is a huge help when my dh is home to do that. [/quote]

I'm a PP and also 100% team wife.  I still think the way to go about this isn't to tell your husband exactly what he has to do.  It is to have him help solve the problem in a way you both can live with. The issue is the stress of doing it all with an inflexible job and wanting to still excel in your career.  Be clear that getting up earlier doesn't solve that problem.

In my work training we all had to take Crucial Conversation to help in our interactions with clients/customers/peers.  It really is amazing how much cross-over in using these techniques in personal relationship.  We learned  to start with the facts/something  the other person can't disagree with that doesn't blame/put on the defensive.  Hopefully DH can't argue with stress, that you juggle the drop off and pick up, and that your job isn't flexible.  He can hopefully take that a step further and empathize with what it would be like with his job if he had both drop off and pickup ...he can't be five minute late getting to work nor can he be five minutes late on pickup ...on top of the  intensity of the actual day to day job that he does.   Next, once you establish a base of understanding/purpose, you want the other person to buy into the solution - especially when it requires him/her to change attitude or do something different.  It's the difference between your boss telling you do it this way, and when your boss challenges you  to come up with suggestions that address the shared goal/purpose.  Hopefully you don't suggest the things you aren't willing to do.  Also there is a sense of accomplishment of coming up with something and it working versus following orders (though I just realized the irony that your DH follows orders for a living but maybe doesn't want that to extend to personal life). So anyway in end no it may be that you do all the legwork to implement the solution i.e.  If you get a babysitter one evening a week, but he hopefully sees the value/worth of it because he was part of coming up with the solution.
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