Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Everyone I know who got divorced as a result of cheating and were actually able to move forward with their own lives, take advantage of the new situation and get over the betrayal in a healthy way have no desire for the kids to know the details surrounding the reasons for the divorce, infidelity or otherwise.  Healthy, well adjusted people who aren’t living in the past can clearly see how the knowledge of the details could negatively impact the kids.  And it should be all about the kids.  My XH cheated- after a few years of massive amounts of anger and grief I was able to move forward.  I love my new life and I’m happy for him with his new life as well.  Kids are thriving, I never talk bad about him and to my knowledge he does the same.  I don’t hate him.  I wouldn’t be where I am now if he hadn’t cheated.  And I have a really, really good life.[/quote]

I think this is normal and what most people think of when they tell their kids they are divorcing because of an affair as well. It's just this one daughter of a mother and cheater who is telling people how awful it was to know but that's because it went on and on and wasn't just a one time conversation.  But if you have older kids have you really just told them that you guys split up because you didn't get along? It just seems very fake and I think confusing to the children because they probably did see you getting along for the most part since cheating is secret. That is the discussion. Whether to tell them ever.[/quote]

Um you have my story incorrect. She was a cheater but that was inconsequential to her general horribleness. I didn’t care about the cheating because by the time I found out (incidentally via finding paperwork in an office inadvertently as a teen), I already knew she was horrible! She had been talking crap about my dad for years and trying to turn me against him.

So my conclusion is that being a narcissist and trying to turn a child against the other parent is much more damaging than cheating to the child.[/quote]

So she didn't even tell you anything about cheating as a reason for the divorce and both your parents were cheaters and you are on here telling everyone not to tell their children anything? Uggh. So basically you have no reason to advocate not telling your kids the truth since you didn't experience any horror from this since it didn't actually happen to you. You've just been creating this fake problem. Thanks for filling up all these pages with your fake horror from people just saying a short line of honesty.[/quote]

Both my parents are not cheaters. WTF? My STEPDAD was also a cheater. My mom and stepdad cheated on both of their respective spouses with one another and then divorced them and married each other. My dad did not cheat, ever, at all. I'm saying that what my mom did wrong was make me an active player in the conflict between her and my dad. That is what harmed me. The details of the dissolution of their marriage were irrelevant, it was the insertion of me into conflict that hurt me.

I am not creating fake anything, you just keep wanting an easy way to dismiss me because you don't like what I am saying.[/quote]

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