Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Everyone I know who got divorced as a result of cheating and were actually able to move forward with their own lives, take advantage of the new situation and get over the betrayal in a healthy way have no desire for the kids to know the details surrounding the reasons for the divorce, infidelity or otherwise.  Healthy, well adjusted people who aren’t living in the past can clearly see how the knowledge of the details could negatively impact the kids.  And it should be all about the kids.  My XH cheated-[b] after a few years of massive amounts of anger and grief I was able to move forward. [/b] I love my new life and I’m happy for him with his new life as well.  Kids are thriving, I never talk bad about him and to my knowledge he does the same.  I don’t hate him.  I wouldn’t be where I am now if he hadn’t cheated.  And I have a really, really good life.[/quote]

A few years of massive anger and grief is a lot to inflict on someone you supposedly loved and took vows with.[/quote]

This is the PP and I agree- it was a really rough few years.  But I needed that time to deal with it and grow and move forward.  We did tell the kids we grew apart and they were confused and they didn’t understand initially.  Neither of us ever strayed from that story because it was a complicated situation and they’re kids.  And cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum and there were issues that contributed to it on both sides- complacency with our relationship, taking each other for granted, a loss of respect due to each other’s actions (or more accurately inactions).  We let the marriage die.  We spent the kids early years totally focused on them, our jobs, the house, the pets and the chores.  Our relationship came last.  The cheating was a byproduct of that.  I don’t condone the actions but having had time to reflect and heal I definitely see the role I played in how our marriage ended.  And I can’t with 100% certainty sit here and say that if I wasn’t given a similar opportunity at the time (an attractive person showing me the kind of interest I hadn’t received from my spouse in years, noticing things about me, listening to me and actually paying attention to me as a woman) that I wouldn't have been excited by the attention.  Who knows?  I’ve had a lot of years to contemplate this and analyze it.  I wouldn’t be who I am today if it hadn’t happened to me.  And I sure wasn’t going to spend the rest of my time on this earth being a bitter, miserable, angry person.  But I go back to my original opinion- there is no good reason for the kids to know about the cheating.[/quote]

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