Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It can absolutely be a shock, pp. in many cases, the cheater is hiding the affair, lying, reassuring his spouse everything is fine and in some insidious cases, gaslighting the spouse to make them feel like they are going crazy for having any suspicions at all.  Then when it is discovered, they flip a switch and blame everything on the betrayed spouse like it was all their fault ti begin with…. Completely ignoring the fact that they insisted things were fine and they’re was nothing to worry about.

I truly hope you never have to experience this, because it is literally so terrifying and disorienting that you feel like you can’t discern reality from fiction anymore.  It’s extreme emotional abuse. [/quote]

Confirm all this: it's not the cheating itself as much as my exH driving me mad with my suspiciousness that was the hardest! He made me literally believe I was going crazy (whereby I was totally right about his cheating, as I found hard proof 5 years after). He was calling me and our son every day on video from his hotel room on business trips. His AP must had been hiding in a bathroom or something, as I had a full view of the room. [/quote]

I agree with you and the pp above you.  I also had that torment, being told I was so loved and still having regular sex and the mind tricks.  I can attest to how disorienting that is, especially when you have been someone two decades and were drawn to their “honesty and integrity”.  Lol what a farce.

And, she likely was getting a coffee to call her own husband so they wouldn’t  have to hear each other’s say “I love you, can’t wait to get home soon…put the kids on the phone.” To their spouses  That would be a little hard for an AP to hear when you have been lying about the state of your marriage.[/quote]

She was married herself, yes. I think they were booking separate hotel rooms as it as on a corporate account and "visited" each other at night. I later on found intimate texts from her on his cell describing her not having a key to his room[/quote]

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