Reply to If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

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Reply to "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
No no. Not dishes or laundry. Making a woman feel beautiful and sexy is so important. And knowing what you're doing in bed doesn't hurt. Some guys just don't get it. Some guys don't last long enough. There are lots of reasons she might just not be that into you. My point is to the op you might stop asking questions about what's wrong with her and[b] start asking what's wrong with you.[/b] [/quote]

Always a valid question; and I'd bet most guys in sexless marriages would *love* it if the problem was with them because then it would be something they could fix. If I just do x, y, and z differently, she'll want to have more sex with me is so much better than having to wait around for her to change something about herself. It puts the power in the person changing.

Unfortunately, you usually don't get that. The wife will probably say something like "you need to make me feel beautiful and sexy." And, of course, that's not a problem with the man - at least not directly. Rather, it's directly a problem with the woman and how she feels. Only secondarily is it a problem with the actions the guy is or isn't taking that, in turn, may trigger those feelings. But god only knows if it's even his actions or inactions causing those feelings. It could be her diet or the time of day or the fact that somebody in the grocery store cut in line or who knows what. Kind of the same thing with "not lasting long enough." Long enough could be 10 minutes or 30 minutes or never depending on how she feels which, again, could be (and probably is) a function of a dozen other variables over which the husband has no control.

There is only so much a HD husband can do on his own. At some point, the LD wife has to be an active participant in fixing the problem. But, since sex isn't something they want, lack of it isn't a "problem" that they put a priority on fixing. [/quote]

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