Reply to If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I suspect all the "sex doesn't matter and OP should just suck it up" would be angry, ANGRY at the idea of OP having a cyber-affair or a physical affair on the side.

If wives want to be the complete package for their husbands, the default go-to for social outings, etc., then they need to be the complete package. And that, like it or not, includes sex. [/quote]

It seems to me the "complete package" is when a couple tackle problems together.  Having the trust in each other to confide fears and disappointments in each other without fear of reprisal.  The complete package would be both spouses saying "this is the way it is, we are who we are, so how can we have the most fun in this relationship?  Or should we let each other have more freedom in some way that stays true to our love for each other?"

I totally agree with one thing you said OP: LD has very little to do with the 'bromide' that your wife is overburdened.  If you and she both felt safe and limitlessly generous with each other, I bet you'd be having plenty of sex.  I'm speaking from experience, if I felt that I could confide my insecurities and desires to my husband, and if he would do the same, and there were no obligation or shame, both reacting with empathy and maybe some humor -- that would be the sexiest thing I could imagine.

My husband took the approach, like you, of staking his claim, saying he is 'entitled' to xyz in a wife, telling me I should see a psychologist to learn why I have this 'problem' of low interest in sex."  Guess how often I want to have sex under those circumstances?  There was never a chance he would say if you don't want to, I'm fine with that.  Entitlement sex was burdensome sex and there is no bigger turnoff.    Do you get it OP?  It's not her.

Desire/pleasure is the yin, generosity is the yang.  You both need both.  Tell her you're fine with her exactly as she is, forever and ever.  Then try to mean it.  It's not a guarantee she'll start to actually want to have sex with you but it is the only hope you have.  Either that or let her find someone who will actually love her.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics