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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I haven’t been on in a few days. Dh got back from his trip, I had therapy, and I’ve obviously been busy solo with my dd for the week. I’ve been trying really hard to dwell on the positive and give him the benefit of the doubt. We had our normal day schedule today. I spent the morning doing things that made me feel good. Went to a Zumba class, went thrift store shopping etc. I had plans to take dd to a very cool
Playground far from our house and to make a nice outing of it. I asked dh if he wanted to join to make it a family outing. He said he wanted to but was too tired from his trip. He took dd to play in the sandbox at our neighborhood playground this morning. Looks like she had a good time, bc there is a pile of sand from her shoes that dh dumped out by the front door.  I
Like an actual small pile of sand. I cheerfully asked dh this afternoon what that was about. He said dd’s shoes were full of sand and he hadn’t gotten around to vacuuming it up yet. I cheerfully said ok, cool.

Dh has spent the evening watching boxing and basketball. The pile of sand is still there. 
(No this isn’t me being petty about sand)
It’s a microcosm. A part of me wants to clean it up (martyr?) just to be done with it already.
A part of me says, hell no! He’s an able bodied adult in this home. Why should I clean up a mess he made?
Another part of me- that incessant drum beat- is saying…this is never going to change. If I ask him to clean it up, he will accuse me of being a nag. I know it’s not even on his radar to clean it. He’s just waiting for me to handle it.

We used to have a lot of fun. We used to be wildly madly into each other. As someone posted earlier, it’s hard to be that carefree easygoing girl I was at 21 when we met, when so much has changed. I miss the peace quiet and routine me and dd had while he was gone. I’m tired of walking on eggshells. Literally ruminating on whether it’s worth it to “disturb the peace” and mention that the sand again. I’d rather jsut clean it myself (martyr) than risk the blowback I’ll get from asking him to do it. That will fuel my resentful fire. Lather rinse repeat. [/quote]
 
that was eerily familiar to me (and well written!). just wanted to reassure you OP that you and your child will be just great. i am a few years ahead of you and how this plays out a few years later is - your child has happy memories of one on one time with each parent, kid is very independent now and you get your me time without relying on your POS husband, your house is always a mess so you never have people over, your marriage is defacto over but you aren't divorced. it's not the stuff of anyone's dreams but a peaceful detente.[/quote]

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