Reply to If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
But doesn't your wife also experience these drops in personal fulfillment after kids?  We ALL share that post-kids. But many women also take on the additional responsibilities of child rearing. Which, without keeping score, kinda doubles their  sacrifices.  Why can't that be shared as well? So one party doesn't feel gyped?[/quote]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Some of it isn't necessarily a sacrifice. For example, taking on a bigger mortgage was a net sacrifice for me because I absolutely did not care whether I lived in a cheap apartment or a big, nice house. So, the better house didn't increase my happiness, but the mortgage decreased it. For her, the happiness she got from the house outweighed the additional responsibility of the mortgage. And yet, I don't stop contributing to the mortgage when I get resentful that she isn't working as hard as me. Keeping score doesn't work -- not least because our own efforts and sacrifices are a lot more obvious to us than those of our spouse.

And the sex life is part of the whole package. It's a joint deal that both spouses should be working on - along with everything else. And it's important.

But, so often (not always, but often), I think the perception that the HD spouse isn't helpful around the house is more of an excuse for lack of sex instead of the reason. The lack of attraction comes first; the rationalizations come after. If I do the dishes and the laundry is that extra time really going to make her hot and bothered? Really? No. Not usually - maybe in those cases where exhaustion is so complete, and due to absolutely indispensable activities that cannot be avoided. Otherwise, I think low attraction causes the LD spouse to drop the marital sex life behind a bunch of other priorities that aren't mission critical. And, if the HD spouse takes care of some of those priorities, new ones will inevitably fill the void.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics