Reply to If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

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Reply to "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All I'm seeing on this thread is how women have to give, give, give. Some of the posts are bordering misogyny.

What are the men doing differently when the kids are young? What are they sacrificing? What additional "work" are they voluntarily putting into the care of children? Have the men actually initiated on a daily basis to pick up the labor that goes into maintaining th e household? Do your wives have to remind you what needs to be done for the kids and house, or are you an equal enough partnerto do these on your own initiative? [/quote]

Are you kidding me? Take a snapshot of my life pre-marriage, pre-kid and compare it to post-kid and married. By comparison, in the second snapshot, the number of obligations explodes. The amount of time available for activities of my choosing falls to just about zero. The amount of money available for things and activities I would like (or investments so I don't have to work until I'm 85) drops to just about nothing. My ability to just walk from my job if I don't feel like putting up with their shit anymore goes away. So, let's not pretend a married man's life is without sacrifice.

And, let's not get in a pissing match about who has it rougher. Keeping score is going to tear down a marriage every time. These sacrifices are supposed to have offsetting benefits. You have kids who, despite what relentless need factories they can be, are fantastic and not to blame for being needy. And, if you're doing it right, you have a life long partner in your spouse to whom you can give and from whom you can receive love. It's you two against the world. Someone who has your back.

Accepting ebbs and flows in sexual desire is part of the gig. Have 6-8 months after the kid where sex is less frequent or non-existent. Not a big deal. But that wasn't OP's situation -- it was pretty much one big ebb even after child 1 until his DW wanted something from sex, e.g. child #2 then she got her sexual game together long enough to get pregnant.

When the sex goes away, it starts to feel as if your partner takes you, your efforts, and your sacrifices for granted. It feels as if it's not you and your partner against the world; rather you're just a useful tool in her child raising and home financing efforts. Hell, it feels as if she doesn't even like you very much if she's willing to make an effort to undertake any number of discretionary tasks before even considering making an effort to cultivate a sex life with you. It's a harsh thing when your wife would sooner pull weeds in the garden than have sex with you. The message is clear - she's more concerned about the tomatoes dying than your sex life dying.

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