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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Men: sigh. I’m in an unfixable sexless marriage.

Women: here’s what we want!

Men: nah. Sigh. Poor me. I’m in an unfixable situation [/quote]

It probably seems that way, but remember sex drive is so individual so what would work for you wouldn't work for my wife. I know because I tried. But some of the advice is well-intended, and appreciated.[/quote]

If you really tried creating the space for your wife to feel enthusiastic for sex and it wasn’t successful you have my deep sympathy.  It is true that sex drive is idiosyncratic.  My advice is based on myself, and also things other women have told me (fatigue and stress being libido killers for women in a way they aren’t for men) but I do know nothing is universal.[/quote]

I dislike these answers so much. "I'm to tired for sex" generally isn't actually truthful communication. The issue is that a person who says that views sex with their partner as a chore. That just isn't healthy.  To illustrate:

Me: I'm stressed out and suffering. The current situation makes me feel undesirable and depressed.  What can I do to make this better?

Wife: I'm too tired and stressed out! I work full time and do all the housework!

Me: (takes over more of the house work to try and help, but nothing improves ) it's been months and I do not feel like the situation has improved. Is it me?

Wife: Well, my job is just so stressful! You don't understand! Maybe if you put on more effort!

Me: (Loses 80 lbs, dresses nicer, does all the little thinks, she says I never do.) I'm more stressed out than I was before. There is still no improvement and I'm now running my life at full tilt trying to keep up with everything you want. Please... I'm making myself sick. What can I do?

Wife: My job is too stressful to want sex! And you're not spending enough time with me!

Me: (busts my ass even more doubles my income so she can quit her job) I'm doing my best here. I've given you everything you ever asked for and I'm still feeling locked out and undesired.

Wife: well now I'm stressed out because I'm financially dependent on you!  Plus now I do things around the house all day! Still too stressed!

Me: I will hire a housekeeper if that would help.

Wife: You do it! Why waste money on a housekeeper!

Me: Because I can't do it. I'm working myself to death.

Wife: why should that stop you from doing something!

Me trying to find help: I love my wife. I don't want her to feel pressured and I'm killing myself trying to find a solution.

The world: HAVE YOU EVER BOTHERED TO THINK OF HER NEEDS![/quote]

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