Reply to How do you ask grandparents to not force affection?

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Reply to "How do you ask grandparents to not force affection?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I understand about bodily autonomy, etc but I was raised in a Greek American household where you hugged and kissed (a quick peck on the cheek, NEVER on the mouth) when you arrived at someone's home, when anyone else entered that home and when we left the house.  So if we arrived at 2pm for Christmas, we'd hug and kiss everyone there.  When the next set of family arrived, we'd all do the same thing with the arrivals, and so forth.  Again, a hug and a quick peck on the cheek.  Kid cousins would hug each other or wave, but we would hug every aunt and uncle, grandfather and grandmother, etc. AND leaving the house meant it took 20 minutes, because we'd need to hug and kiss EVERY adult there.

I didn't like or dislike it, it just was.  BUT nobody was chasing me around trying to kiss me or touch me throughout the visit.  That would have been irritating, I'm sure.

i will say, I am very uncomfortable with parents kissing their children on the lips - I know many children who will hug me and then try to kiss me on the lips - I find that very inappropriate, as I think of that as sexual - I kiss my husband on the lips, my sister and my parents on the cheek.

AND I had NO problem telling my boyfriends they couldn't go past whatever we were doing unless I was comfortable.  And they respected that.

So arrival/departure kissing on the cheek and a hug is, in my view, different and not the same as a grandparent wanting to hug my kid throughout the hours we are at her house.  Honestly, I will agree with a previous poster - a grandparent who talked about it, complains about it, etc will mean that the kid will NOT do it on principle.

Now, as we are all hugging and kissing around, if a small child doesn't want that, then people can just shake hands and leave it at that, and we've all done that!  The child either grows into being fine with hugging and kissing at arrival/departure or doesn't, and that needs to be fine, too.  But usually if it's the norm, then most kids do it by the time they are 5 or 6 if that's the family's culture.

My sister and I hugged and kissed our parents goodnight every night until we decided we were too old for that - probably 6th grade?  I don't remember. And, if there were guests over for dinner, we'd get ready for bed and then come down and hug/kiss our parents - and say goodnight to the guests - and then go off to bed all throughout elementary school.  [/quote]

I grew up in an Italian American household and we always hug everyone hello and goodbye and give a peck on the cheek.  It’s a cultural thing and it’s just what we did/do.  My DH’s culture you give a hug.  It’s a greeting and it’s what family does.  We are very clear with our children that there is a difference between family and everyone else.  [/quote]

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