Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I know how much you love kiddo, and you are wonderful grandparents. However, kiddo sometimes doesn't like getting hugs and kisses. Would you please not give him/her hugs and kisses when he/she says no? I'd hate to have that be a negative part of your visit when kiddo loves your visits so much."

Grandparents should get up and leave if you do this. Your kid is a spoiled brat and you and your DH are jerks.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe what I’m reading here. No wonder this younger generation are spoiled brats. This new age parenting is not teaching them anything but self importance and entitlement. These are grandparents, not strangers. Maybe they don’t want to hug and kiss them but they can give knuckles or something. Teach them respect for goodness sakes!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm. I think there's a fine line here. Yes, you want to promote your child's right to control his/her own body and to be able to say "no" to unwanted contact. But is kissing grandparents really an issue of "controlling one's own body"? I'm not so sure. These are grandparents, not the school janitor, for god's sake.

I think it's perfectly appropriate to say to a child "You need to kiss gpa/gma hello and goodbye. It will hurt their feelings if you don't accept their kiss."

Kissing hello and goodbye is etiquette for a child.

I think this is a weird precedent to set. I think controlling your own body, trusting your own instincts, and expressing sincere affection is more important. To each her/his own.

OP, my in-laws used to try to push my nephews to hug and kiss me when they rarely saw me. I told my MIL and FIL not to tell the boys that they had to give me affection, and that I was willing to wait for them to approach me on their own. Now, that we've gotten to know each other, they hang all over me, willingly. Some older adults just don't get it, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't try.

The concept of controlling your own body applies in the realm of sexual abuse. But there are many other instances in which we do NOT control our own bodies. Especially children. We tell them all day long what to do with their bodies. It's hypocritical to turn around and say "Oh, Annabelle controls her own body, she gets to decide whether or not to kiss Grandma Gertie." And I stand by my statement that good etiquette calls for giving your grandparents a kiss hello and goodbye. It's not child abuse or an abuse of your child's control of their own body to expect them to deliver a kiss to an elderly family member. It's good manners. You are not expecting that they accept a sexual favor.

And this business about "expressing sincere affection." Please. Give me a break. Maybe your child shouldn't have to share either. That's not sincere.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm. I think there's a fine line here. Yes, you want to promote your child's right to control his/her own body and to be able to say "no" to unwanted contact. But is kissing grandparents really an issue of "controlling one's own body"? I'm not so sure. These are grandparents, not the school janitor, for god's sake.

I think it's perfectly appropriate to say to a child "You need to kiss gpa/gma hello and goodbye. It will hurt their feelings if you don't accept their kiss."

Kissing hello and goodbye is etiquette for a child.

Anonymous wrote:Babies are kiss and hug magnets. It is simply ridiculous to not let your parents kiss your children and ask for a kiss and a hug. When my children were much younger and I would ask for a hug and a kiss and they said No, then I would say, "O.K. but may I give ou a hug and a kiss"? and they always said yes. Children are not going to be hurt by their grandparents affection but you are hurting your parents and your children by deliberately withholding this affection. You and your husband are idiots. Read what I wrote, I am talking about GRANDPARENTS, not strangers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand about bodily autonomy, etc but I was raised in a Greek American household where you hugged and kissed (a quick peck on the cheek, NEVER on the mouth) when you arrived at someone's home, when anyone else entered that home and when we left the house. So if we arrived at 2pm for Christmas, we'd hug and kiss everyone there. When the next set of family arrived, we'd all do the same thing with the arrivals, and so forth. Again, a hug and a quick peck on the cheek. Kid cousins would hug each other or wave, but we would hug every aunt and uncle, grandfather and grandmother, etc. AND leaving the house meant it took 20 minutes, because we'd need to hug and kiss EVERY adult there.

I didn't like or dislike it, it just was. BUT nobody was chasing me around trying to kiss me or touch me throughout the visit. That would have been irritating, I'm sure.

i will say, I am very uncomfortable with parents kissing their children on the lips - I know many children who will hug me and then try to kiss me on the lips - I find that very inappropriate, as I think of that as sexual - I kiss my husband on the lips, my sister and my parents on the cheek.

AND I had NO problem telling my boyfriends they couldn't go past whatever we were doing unless I was comfortable. And they respected that.

So arrival/departure kissing on the cheek and a hug is, in my view, different and not the same as a grandparent wanting to hug my kid throughout the hours we are at her house. Honestly, I will agree with a previous poster - a grandparent who talked about it, complains about it, etc will mean that the kid will NOT do it on principle.

Now, as we are all hugging and kissing around, if a small child doesn't want that, then people can just shake hands and leave it at that, and we've all done that! The child either grows into being fine with hugging and kissing at arrival/departure or doesn't, and that needs to be fine, too. But usually if it's the norm, then most kids do it by the time they are 5 or 6 if that's the family's culture.

My sister and I hugged and kissed our parents goodnight every night until we decided we were too old for that - probably 6th grade? I don't remember. And, if there were guests over for dinner, we'd get ready for bed and then come down and hug/kiss our parents - and say goodnight to the guests - and then go off to bed all throughout elementary school.

+1

I grew up in an Italian American household and we always hug everyone hello and goodbye and give a peck on the cheek. It’s a cultural thing and it’s just what we did/do. My DH’s culture you give a hug. It’s a greeting and it’s what family does. We are very clear with our children that there is a difference between family and everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:"I know how much you love kiddo, and you are wonderful grandparents. However, kiddo sometimes doesn't like getting hugs and kisses. Would you please not give him/her hugs and kisses when he/she says no? I'd hate to have that be a negative part of your visit when kiddo loves your visits so much."

Anonymous wrote:I understand about bodily autonomy, etc but I was raised in a Greek American household where you hugged and kissed (a quick peck on the cheek, NEVER on the mouth) when you arrived at someone's home, when anyone else entered that home and when we left the house. So if we arrived at 2pm for Christmas, we'd hug and kiss everyone there. When the next set of family arrived, we'd all do the same thing with the arrivals, and so forth. Again, a hug and a quick peck on the cheek. Kid cousins would hug each other or wave, but we would hug every aunt and uncle, grandfather and grandmother, etc. AND leaving the house meant it took 20 minutes, because we'd need to hug and kiss EVERY adult there.

I didn't like or dislike it, it just was. BUT nobody was chasing me around trying to kiss me or touch me throughout the visit. That would have been irritating, I'm sure.

i will say, I am very uncomfortable with parents kissing their children on the lips - I know many children who will hug me and then try to kiss me on the lips - I find that very inappropriate, as I think of that as sexual - I kiss my husband on the lips, my sister and my parents on the cheek.

AND I had NO problem telling my boyfriends they couldn't go past whatever we were doing unless I was comfortable. And they respected that.

So arrival/departure kissing on the cheek and a hug is, in my view, different and not the same as a grandparent wanting to hug my kid throughout the hours we are at her house. Honestly, I will agree with a previous poster - a grandparent who talked about it, complains about it, etc will mean that the kid will NOT do it on principle.

Now, as we are all hugging and kissing around, if a small child doesn't want that, then people can just shake hands and leave it at that, and we've all done that! The child either grows into being fine with hugging and kissing at arrival/departure or doesn't, and that needs to be fine, too. But usually if it's the norm, then most kids do it by the time they are 5 or 6 if that's the family's culture.

My sister and I hugged and kissed our parents goodnight every night until we decided we were too old for that - probably 6th grade? I don't remember. And, if there were guests over for dinner, we'd get ready for bed and then come down and hug/kiss our parents - and say goodnight to the guests - and then go off to bed all throughout elementary school.

Anonymous wrote:We would often just say "ok larlo, do you want a hug, a high five, or a fist bump" and if the adult tried to insist on the hug, just say cheerfully "maybe next time!"

I know it annoyed them especially during my kid's shy phase that lasted several years, but bodily autonomy is really important to me. They went along with it.

If anyone had gone with it, my explanation is that it's important my kid knows how to say "no" in the future if a teacher, coach, doctor, or other authority figure tried to force them to hug. I'm glad it didn't come to this though because I suspect it would have made them defensive.

Anonymous wrote:Is your child really being harmed by this or is it your husbands hang ups?