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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a SAHM married to a surgeon with a very demanding career. I had a great job for 10 yrs, saved a lot of money pre-kids, and supported DH through med school. DH is religious/ traditional and we always knew we wanted a bunch of kids and I wanted to be a SAHM with them. DH is very career focused and so appreciative that he has been able to give 1000% to his career, never has to worry about missing work due to kids getting sick, snow days, random daycare closures, or the A/C technician coming to the house on a random Tuesday, and he has a hot meal and clean laundry waiting for him when he gets home from a 12+ hr day. He’s often on call or working late into the night, and can also go to big conferences/travel, and never has to worry about getting home to pick up kids or bedtime.
I think it’s about managing expectations. I’m totally ok doing ALL the housework and childcare and solo parenting most of the time due to his demanding career. We also slogged it together from the beginning- through med school and residency when I was the breadwinner- so it makes us feel like we really built it together. 
Everything he earns is also very much “our” money. Even when we have disagreements about money, he ends up having me make the final call/never spends or invests anything without my permission. 
I think having a high income or a lot of savings is essential in a high cost of living city to make it work. In a lot of cities you just cannot afford kids on one income without considerable sacrifice.
Side note that I recently went back to work part-time, mostly for my own personal fulfillment. He actually preferred I didn’t go back to work but said do it if it makes me happy. I think having a career that you can jump back into after a long gap is also helpful- so if the main breadwinner ever does lose their job or something happens, or one day you decide you want out, you’re not trapped.

OP, I think you can absolutely find the right person who wants the same lifestyle as you, it can work, but I agree with being upfront about what you want before you get married and have kids. I know too many moms who are heartbroken sending their 3mo to daycare when they want to stay home with them, but financially they just can’t. You’re still young, work hard, build your career, save your money, and find the right person.
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I'll never understand wanting to have kids with someone who doesn't do any parenting. I mean, glad it works for you, I just don't get it. [/quote]

I never said he doesn’t do any parenting. My biggest request is that the time he is off (weekends he’s not on call, vacation time, etc) that is reserved for quality family time. It might be less than most families but we try to make it really quality. He is absolutely an emotionally present parent for the kids, instilling values and emotional support and love. On nights he can’t be home he still FaceTimes the kids to hear about their day. He just doesn’t do any of the slog part of parenting like the housework and extracurricular runs and mental load. Which, to be fair, many working dads don’t do whether they have a SAH parent or not. Plenty of dual-income families are outsourcing most of this work anyway.  As a SAHP I just choose to do it myself instead of outsourcing. [/quote]

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