Reply to Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To the PP above, yes some people see infidelity as the ultimate evil, right there with murder. And therefore pulling your kids into separate houses, taking them out of their school, depleting college accounts, introduction to step parents are all far better than letting someone touch your genitals. [/quote]

You are clueless if you think cheating is only about touching your genitals:  [b]it's about honesty, trust, character, and respect of others for you.  [/b]Your kids might think how can my dad treat my mom that way and can he do this to anyone that he at one time cared about including them (the kids) as well?  They will see how you handle difficult times in your life and can be more likely to use that solution when they grow up because you are a role model for them (kids of cheaters have higher chance of cheating).  Your statement speaks of someone who either doesn't have the capability to really see and analyze an issue or just doesn't want to (critical thinking skills aren't present in your post).  [/quote]

This is why divorce is honorable and should be encouraged when mom and dad can't find a way to compromise. Kids understand and want their parents to be happy, even if it means they will have more struggles than their friends with intact families.

What is most important is the parents have integrity, and even if the kids have to adjust to new schedules, new step-parents and new addresses, they will appreciate knowing that mom and dad did it to model the right thing to do which is divorce when they can no longer find a way forward.

I agree with all of you that say cheating is never justified and kids will adjust far better to divorce than the discovery that someone cheated. [/quote]
“My parents’ divorce was honorable. My noble dad, whose life was agony because he wasn’t having as much sex as he wanted, nobly left my mother and his children so he could finally achieve his sexual dreams. We are so proud of him and hope he is having all the sex he wanted when our family was intact. It is totally developmentally appropriate that I - his 11 year-old daughter - care deeply that he isn’t having his sexual needs met and definitely want to spend the remainder of my teenage years traveling between two homes so he can get laid. Ask me how my next five boyfriends will treat me!”[/quote]

You are being snarky but that is what is required. Kids can endure two homes, reduced finances, step-parents, all of it, but they cannot endure the idea that someone had sex outside the marriage. They will never respect that parent again. Never. They will always respect the parent that pulls the plug on the marriage honorably, and especially if they wait to have sex again until in a stable, committed relationship. Like a second marriage. Just look how happy the adult children are of parents of second marriages. They have spoken loudly how much they appreciate that no one cheated.[/quote]

I don't want to dismiss what the 11 year old said.  I think it's fair that she mentioned this.  The thing is to see which one is the better of worse options:  stay in marriage without cheating and sub optional amount of sex, divorce, cheat.  Divorce and cheating prioritize the dad and the stay in marriage prioritizes the kids.  Not sure what to say in this situation.  Each person has their own values and gives up something in order to get something.  [/quote]

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