Anonymous wrote:

“My parents’ divorce was honorable. My noble dad, whose life was agony because he wasn’t having as much sex as he wanted, nobly left my mother and his children so he could finally achieve his sexual dreams. We are so proud of him and hope he is having all the sex he wanted when our family was intact. It is totally developmentally appropriate that I - his 11 year-old daughter - care deeply that he isn’t having his sexual needs met and definitely want to spend the remainder of my teenage years traveling between two homes so he can get laid. Ask me how my next five boyfriends will treat me!”

I know you think that with this snarky reply you’re proving your ultimate point (that cheating on your wife is “better for the kids”), but all I can think about is my job.

I work in law enforcement. As we are instructed in many trainings, the mind’s capacity to rationalize our own bad behavior is incredible. We all want to be the hero in our own stories, and there’s just too much cognitive dissonance when we do “bad things.”

So we contort our logic to “justify” what we know, deep down, are bad acts:

“Everyone else is doing it.”
“My family needed that money I embezzled.”

And in your case:
“I was actually trying to keep my family together by cheating on my wife!”

Anonymous wrote:

“My parents’ divorce was honorable. My noble dad, whose life was agony because he wasn’t having as much sex as he wanted, nobly left my mother and his children so he could finally achieve his sexual dreams. We are so proud of him and hope he is having all the sex he wanted when our family was intact. It is totally developmentally appropriate that I - his 11 year-old daughter - care deeply that he isn’t having his sexual needs met and definitely want to spend the remainder of my teenage years traveling between two homes so he can get laid. Ask me how my next five boyfriends will treat me!”

I know you think that with this snarky reply you’re proving your ultimate point (that cheating on your wife is “better for the kids”), but all I can think about is my job.

I work in law enforcement. As we are instructed in many trainings, the mind’s capacity to rationalize our own bad behavior is incredible. We all want to be the hero in our own stories, and there’s just too much cognitive dissonance when we do “bad things.”

So we contort our logic to “justify” what we know, deep down, are bad acts:

“Everyone else is doing it.”
“My family needed that money I embezzled.”

And in your case:
“I was actually trying to keep my family together by cheating on my wife!”

“My parents’ divorce was honorable. My noble dad, whose life was agony because he wasn’t having as much sex as he wanted, nobly left my mother and his children so he could finally achieve his sexual dreams. We are so proud of him and hope he is having all the sex he wanted when our family was intact. It is totally developmentally appropriate that I - his 11 year-old daughter - care deeply that he isn’t having his sexual needs met and definitely want to spend the remainder of my teenage years traveling between two homes so he can get laid. Ask me how my next five boyfriends will treat me!”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP above, yes some people see infidelity as the ultimate evil, right there with murder. And therefore pulling your kids into separate houses, taking them out of their school, depleting college accounts, introduction to step parents are all far better than letting someone touch your genitals.

You are clueless if you think cheating is only about touching your genitals: it's about honesty, trust, character, and respect of others for you. Your kids might think how can my dad treat my mom that way and can he do this to anyone that he at one time cared about including them (the kids) as well? They will see how you handle difficult times in your life and can be more likely to use that solution when they grow up because you are a role model for them (kids of cheaters have higher chance of cheating). Your statement speaks of someone who either doesn't have the capability to really see and analyze an issue or just doesn't want to (critical thinking skills aren't present in your post).

This is why divorce is honorable and should be encouraged when mom and dad can't find a way to compromise. Kids understand and want their parents to be happy, even if it means they will have more struggles than their friends with intact families.

What is most important is the parents have integrity, and even if the kids have to adjust to new schedules, new step-parents and new addresses, they will appreciate knowing that mom and dad did it to model the right thing to do which is divorce when they can no longer find a way forward.

I agree with all of you that say cheating is never justified and kids will adjust far better to divorce than the discovery that someone cheated.

“My parents’ divorce was honorable. My noble dad, whose life was agony because he wasn’t having as much sex as he wanted, nobly left my mother and his children so he could finally achieve his sexual dreams. We are so proud of him and hope he is having all the sex he wanted when our family was intact. It is totally developmentally appropriate that I - his 11 year-old daughter - care deeply that he isn’t having his sexual needs met and definitely want to spend the remainder of my teenage years traveling between two homes so he can get laid. Ask me how my next five boyfriends will treat me!”

You are being snarky but that is what is required. Kids can endure two homes, reduced finances, step-parents, all of it, but they cannot endure the idea that someone had sex outside the marriage. They will never respect that parent again. Never. They will always respect the parent that pulls the plug on the marriage honorably, and especially if they wait to have sex again until in a stable, committed relationship. Like a second marriage. Just look how happy the adult children are of parents of second marriages. They have spoken loudly how much they appreciate that no one cheated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP above, yes some people see infidelity as the ultimate evil, right there with murder. And therefore pulling your kids into separate houses, taking them out of their school, depleting college accounts, introduction to step parents are all far better than letting someone touch your genitals.

You are clueless if you think cheating is only about touching your genitals: it's about honesty, trust, character, and respect of others for you. Your kids might think how can my dad treat my mom that way and can he do this to anyone that he at one time cared about including them (the kids) as well? They will see how you handle difficult times in your life and can be more likely to use that solution when they grow up because you are a role model for them (kids of cheaters have higher chance of cheating). Your statement speaks of someone who either doesn't have the capability to really see and analyze an issue or just doesn't want to (critical thinking skills aren't present in your post).

This is why divorce is honorable and should be encouraged when mom and dad can't find a way to compromise. Kids understand and want their parents to be happy, even if it means they will have more struggles than their friends with intact families.

What is most important is the parents have integrity, and even if the kids have to adjust to new schedules, new step-parents and new addresses, they will appreciate knowing that mom and dad did it to model the right thing to do which is divorce when they can no longer find a way forward.

I agree with all of you that say cheating is never justified and kids will adjust far better to divorce than the discovery that someone cheated.

“My parents’ divorce was honorable. My noble dad, whose life was agony because he wasn’t having as much sex as he wanted, nobly left my mother and his children so he could finally achieve his sexual dreams. We are so proud of him and hope he is having all the sex he wanted when our family was intact. It is totally developmentally appropriate that I - his 11 year-old daughter - care deeply that he isn’t having his sexual needs met and definitely want to spend the remainder of my teenage years traveling between two homes so he can get laid. Ask me how my next five boyfriends will treat me!”

You are being snarky but that is what is required. Kids can endure two homes, reduced finances, step-parents, all of it, but they cannot endure the idea that someone had sex outside the marriage. They will never respect that parent again. Never. They will always respect the parent that pulls the plug on the marriage honorably, and especially if they wait to have sex again until in a stable, committed relationship. Like a second marriage. Just look how happy the adult children are of parents of second marriages. They have spoken loudly how much they appreciate that no one cheated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP above, yes some people see infidelity as the ultimate evil, right there with murder. And therefore pulling your kids into separate houses, taking them out of their school, depleting college accounts, introduction to step parents are all far better than letting someone touch your genitals.

You are clueless if you think cheating is only about touching your genitals: it's about honesty, trust, character, and respect of others for you. Your kids might think how can my dad treat my mom that way and can he do this to anyone that he at one time cared about including them (the kids) as well? They will see how you handle difficult times in your life and can be more likely to use that solution when they grow up because you are a role model for them (kids of cheaters have higher chance of cheating). Your statement speaks of someone who either doesn't have the capability to really see and analyze an issue or just doesn't want to (critical thinking skills aren't present in your post).

This is why divorce is honorable and should be encouraged when mom and dad can't find a way to compromise. Kids understand and want their parents to be happy, even if it means they will have more struggles than their friends with intact families.

What is most important is the parents have integrity, and even if the kids have to adjust to new schedules, new step-parents and new addresses, they will appreciate knowing that mom and dad did it to model the right thing to do which is divorce when they can no longer find a way forward.

I agree with all of you that say cheating is never justified and kids will adjust far better to divorce than the discovery that someone cheated.

“My parents’ divorce was honorable. My noble dad, whose life was agony because he wasn’t having as much sex as he wanted, nobly left my mother and his children so he could finally achieve his sexual dreams. We are so proud of him and hope he is having all the sex he wanted when our family was intact. It is totally developmentally appropriate that I - his 11 year-old daughter - care deeply that he isn’t having his sexual needs met and definitely want to spend the remainder of my teenage years traveling between two homes so he can get laid. Ask me how my next five boyfriends will treat me!”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP above, yes some people see infidelity as the ultimate evil, right there with murder. And therefore pulling your kids into separate houses, taking them out of their school, depleting college accounts, introduction to step parents are all far better than letting someone touch your genitals.

You are clueless if you think cheating is only about touching your genitals: it's about honesty, trust, character, and respect of others for you. Your kids might think how can my dad treat my mom that way and can he do this to anyone that he at one time cared about including them (the kids) as well? They will see how you handle difficult times in your life and can be more likely to use that solution when they grow up because you are a role model for them (kids of cheaters have higher chance of cheating). Your statement speaks of someone who either doesn't have the capability to really see and analyze an issue or just doesn't want to (critical thinking skills aren't present in your post).

This is why divorce is honorable and should be encouraged when mom and dad can't find a way to compromise. Kids understand and want their parents to be happy, even if it means they will have more struggles than their friends with intact families.

What is most important is the parents have integrity, and even if the kids have to adjust to new schedules, new step-parents and new addresses, they will appreciate knowing that mom and dad did it to model the right thing to do which is divorce when they can no longer find a way forward.

I agree with all of you that say cheating is never justified and kids will adjust far better to divorce than the discovery that someone cheated.

“My parents’ divorce was honorable. My noble dad, whose life was agony because he wasn’t having as much sex as he wanted, nobly left my mother and his children so he could finally achieve his sexual dreams. We are so proud of him and hope he is having all the sex he wanted when our family was intact. It is totally developmentally appropriate that I - his 11 year-old daughter - care deeply that he isn’t having his sexual needs met and definitely want to spend the remainder of my teenage years traveling between two homes so he can get laid. Ask me how my next five boyfriends will treat me!”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP above, yes some people see infidelity as the ultimate evil, right there with murder. And therefore pulling your kids into separate houses, taking them out of their school, depleting college accounts, introduction to step parents are all far better than letting someone touch your genitals.

You are clueless if you think cheating is only about touching your genitals: it's about honesty, trust, character, and respect of others for you. Your kids might think how can my dad treat my mom that way and can he do this to anyone that he at one time cared about including them (the kids) as well? They will see how you handle difficult times in your life and can be more likely to use that solution when they grow up because you are a role model for them (kids of cheaters have higher chance of cheating). Your statement speaks of someone who either doesn't have the capability to really see and analyze an issue or just doesn't want to (critical thinking skills aren't present in your post).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP above, yes some people see infidelity as the ultimate evil, right there with murder. And therefore pulling your kids into separate houses, taking them out of their school, depleting college accounts, introduction to step parents are all far better than letting someone touch your genitals.

You are clueless if you think cheating is only about touching your genitals: it's about honesty, trust, character, and respect of others for you. Your kids might think how can my dad treat my mom that way and can he do this to anyone that he at one time cared about including them (the kids) as well? They will see how you handle difficult times in your life and can be more likely to use that solution when they grow up because you are a role model for them (kids of cheaters have higher chance of cheating). Your statement speaks of someone who either doesn't have the capability to really see and analyze an issue or just doesn't want to (critical thinking skills aren't present in your post).

This is why divorce is honorable and should be encouraged when mom and dad can't find a way to compromise. Kids understand and want their parents to be happy, even if it means they will have more struggles than their friends with intact families.

What is most important is the parents have integrity, and even if the kids have to adjust to new schedules, new step-parents and new addresses, they will appreciate knowing that mom and dad did it to model the right thing to do which is divorce when they can no longer find a way forward.

I agree with all of you that say cheating is never justified and kids will adjust far better to divorce than the discovery that someone cheated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP above, yes some people see infidelity as the ultimate evil, right there with murder. And therefore pulling your kids into separate houses, taking them out of their school, depleting college accounts, introduction to step parents are all far better than letting someone touch your genitals.

You are clueless if you think cheating is only about touching your genitals: it's about honesty, trust, character, and respect of others for you. Your kids might think how can my dad treat my mom that way and can he do this to anyone that he at one time cared about including them (the kids) as well? They will see how you handle difficult times in your life and can be more likely to use that solution when they grow up because you are a role model for them (kids of cheaters have higher chance of cheating). Your statement speaks of someone who either doesn't have the capability to really see and analyze an issue or just doesn't want to (critical thinking skills aren't present in your post).

Same. I don’t resent my parents for divorcing but if one of them cheated on the other omg. I can’t imagine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP above, yes some people see infidelity as the ultimate evil, right there with murder. And therefore pulling your kids into separate houses, taking them out of their school, depleting college accounts, introduction to step parents are all far better than letting someone touch your genitals.

You are clueless if you think cheating is only about touching your genitals: it's about honesty, trust, character, and respect of others for you. Your kids might think how can my dad treat my mom that way and can he do this to anyone that he at one time cared about including them (the kids) as well? They will see how you handle difficult times in your life and can be more likely to use that solution when they grow up because you are a role model for them (kids of cheaters have higher chance of cheating). Your statement speaks of someone who either doesn't have the capability to really see and analyze an issue or just doesn't want to (critical thinking skills aren't present in your post).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP above, yes some people see infidelity as the ultimate evil, right there with murder. And therefore pulling your kids into separate houses, taking them out of their school, depleting college accounts, introduction to step parents are all far better than letting someone touch your genitals.

You are clueless if you think cheating is only about touching your genitals: it's about honesty, trust, character, and respect of others for you. Your kids might think how can my dad treat my mom that way and can he do this to anyone that he at one time cared about including them (the kids) as well? They will see how you handle difficult times in your life and can be more likely to use that solution when they grow up because you are a role model for them (kids of cheaters have higher chance of cheating). Your statement speaks of someone who either doesn't have the capability to really see and analyze an issue or just doesn't want to (critical thinking skills aren't present in your post).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP above, yes some people see infidelity as the ultimate evil, right there with murder. And therefore pulling your kids into separate houses, taking them out of their school, depleting college accounts, introduction to step parents are all far better than letting someone touch your genitals.

But if that’s all it is, YOU have a hand — YOU touch your genitals! Then you don’t need to “pull your kids into separate houses, take them out of their school, deplete college accounts,” And all that other scary stuff (some of which may never happen!).

Frankly, I’m an adult child of divorce, and was never removed from my school, and my awesome dad paid for my college. And because he never cheated on my mom, I loved and respected him for the remainder of his life. He wound up marrying a terrific lady, and I’m thankful for my stepmom, who is another grandma to my kids.

What the PPs said about using “the kids” as justification for cheating (rather than separating) is spot on. Just acknowledge your selfishness.

Anonymous wrote:To the PP above, yes some people see infidelity as the ultimate evil, right there with murder. And therefore pulling your kids into separate houses, taking them out of their school, depleting college accounts, introduction to step parents are all far better than letting someone touch your genitals.