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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, and I spent the last 20 minutes writing an email to my step-MIL, outlining the seriousness of my issues with my mother in an effort to get her to understand why I have these boundaries in place, and why it is important that I maintain them.

It was cathartic to write it... but should I bother sending it? It's a kind and respectful email, FWIW. [/quote]

Why do you feel the need to obtain her approval?[/quote]

I felt really judged after her talk with me at our lunch, and like she did not get the seriousness of the issues I have with my mom, and thus probably figured I was holding some sort of unnecessary grudge.[/quote]

End this outpouring of energy toward your mother by NOT sending that email. It would be shared and poured over with your mother and would be even more manipulative than it already is for her to have already involved her. Some day your step mil will see behind her facade and understand the reason for your boundaries.

If step mil forces the topic, say what you said here: I felt judged by you and that you did not understand the seriousness of the safety/boundary issues with my mother. I'll thank you to NOT bring this up again.

If you have to go there, let her know you have forgiven the past burt that  you can't change the fact that she did not keep you safe but you can change the future by keeping yourself and your family safe and away from her. [/quote]

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