Reply to Intimacy vs sex-- which is more important?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel no connection without sex.  If I'm not getting regular sex or my wife goes long bouts of not wanting sex I withdraw emotionally.  Kind of counter-productive but I can't help the way I feel.

38 year old male [/quote]

Yup. [b]For men, intimacy results from sex (doesn't have to result, but won't result without it). Take away the sex, the intimacy evaporates.

For women, sex results from intimacy. Take away the intimacy, the sex evaporates[/b].[/quote]

This, x1000. The core difference between men and women in terms of sex. But once the sex evaporates, it is likely to materialize elsewhere for one, the other, or both. [/quote]
Take away sex and intimacy dies. [/quote]

Not really, not if you study human sexuality.

Men are socialized to believe they are manly if they obtain sex when they want it. When they don't they get frustrated, feel used and start to feel emasculated.

They don't understand their emotions but they were socialize that anger is the only emotion that is "okay" for men to express. It comes out as being passive aggressive ... like not filling up the tank, not holding their wife's hand, watching sports instead of talking to their wife.

Women are in tune to emotions, when the "gas does not get filled up" they sense their H is angry and they are socialized to "smooth things out" so they have sex.

The marriage turns into a fee for service sexual game and then real intimacy dies... the one that has not connection to sex.[/quote]
No, not really. If YOU study human sexuality, you will find a mountain of scientific evidence that men have a higher drive for sex than the average woman.

Oh sure, you can claim that woman are somehow morally superior, have better emotional control, whatever you want to say that seems to give women the "high ground" when it comes to sex. But at the end of the day, it comes down to their basic instincts: men want it more.

If you picked a different topic than sex, for example what color to paint the kitchen, you will find that men are far more in tune with their emotions, don't get angry and don't get passive aggressive.
[/quote]

I never said women are morally superior. There are plenty of woman who were socialized to use sex to get what they want. If you aren't pretty, skinny, good in bed ... you will never catch a good man.

Also when men were socialize in an experiment to think once a week was in the 90th percentile, and they got it once a week, they rated their marriage as happy, if they got it 3 times a week they rated their marriage as far superior. When men were socialized in an experiment to think 4 times a week was in the 90th percentile and they got it once a week they rated their marriage as unhappy/dissatisfying and 3 times a week as okay/good.. not happy or superior.

Men just want to believe they are getting more than the next guy and that is NOT biology.[/quote]

I don't really care about the next guy. I consider sex to be an expression of love and intimacy. I have come to appreciate that it doesn't necessarily work that way for her but if she wants me to feel loved, she isn't going to be turning me down left and right.[/quote]

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