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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The sex is only good for me when the intimacy is high. Don't get me wrong, the sex is important, but it SUCKS when intimacy is missing with my husband. I think for both of us.[/quote]

+100[/quote]

curious (and I posted about this recently) if it has always been this way?  did you have the strong emotional connection with past lovers too?  part of me thinks that when DWs say they need a strong emotional connection in order to have sex is a way to mask a lower drive than their DHs.[/quote]

PP here. I still have sex with DH when intimacy is low. I make it a priority (2x/week, minimum, often more). I initiate most of the time unless DH has been away, then he's all over when he returns.

I've had sex without the emotional connection, it's fine, OK. I had a few boyfriends who came and went because we didn't have that emotional connection. But with somebody who is important to me? I need the intimacy and emotional connection. I can tell, when DH & I are not emotionally connected, when we are disconnected, sex feels mechanical and I can't be done with it fast enough. I can orgasm, it isn't that, but it isn't fulfilling. It feels gross and forced.

With past lovers (so long ago now) but yes, I wanted/needed that connection. I was always friends with lovers before sex, so we'd create an emotional bond or connection before it became sexual.

I think the more invested you are in a person, the more that emotional connection is important. A ONS? you don't expect an emotional connection,  you don't get it, nothing missed. But your spouse? That intimacy is important.

Somebody pointed out that for women
emotional intimacy --> sex
and for men
sex --> emotional intimacy.

It is an important feedback loop for both sexes.
[/quote]

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