Reply to Unhelpful MIL- whose job to tell her?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's a lesson learned that your MIL isn't up to the job for whatever the reason. How old is she and does she possibly have a hard time with arthritis? Maybe she feels out of her element and unfamiliar with how you cook and do other household chores. It comes more naturally to your own mom.

I stayed 6 weeks to help my daughter when she had surgery. I drove, shopped, cooked, cleaned, did all laundry, took care of her dog, etc. so she could focus on her work. She isn't married and doesn't have children yet, but it's good to know that I was a help and not annoying. A big part was that she didn't have to explain what she needed because we are similar. I just knew when to be quiet so she could work, or what she needed. I sure hope I can be as helpful to my future DIL and son.

Maybe your MIL is lazy, but maybe she just doesn't know how to be helpful and things are unfamiliar to her. I have arthritis and tend to not say when something's hurting - maybe she's dealing with that. Eat simple meals, and hire someone if you need for cleaning, etc.

FWIW, my own parents and inlaws were no help to us when we really needed it. We had to figure it out. Seriously my parents felt their job was done when I graduated high school! We have made a point of helping when needed, not all parents want to do that.[/quote]

Good question- my MIL is 15 yrs younger and much more active and well than my own mom. Certainly could be her being out of her element but from the perspective of a parent myself, part of this is about wanting to contribute. If my child needed this type of support and I didn't work (she does not and has not for 30 years) and I had full ability to help, I would certainly ask how I could be helpful and certainly try to offer the help that was asked.[/quote]

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