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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have three kids, two boys and a girl in ES.  My daughter is in 3rd grade.  A parent I know (just from school, not socially) came to me to tell me (in a very nice way!) that my daughter was excluding her daughter (let's call her Mary) in school and he daughter was very hurt by it.  It was awkward.  They have been in the same classroom for two years straight and the little girl is sweet and well behaved.  My daughter has never been friends with this little girl. [b] She has three best friends (similar sports, lots of playdates, all the parents know each other very well).[/b]  She also talks about a few other girls in class, but never this particular little girl.  I set a conference with the teacher to get her perspective.  The teacher said DD was kind to everyone in the school, worked well with Mary, but that she didn't believe they were friends.  I spoke to DD and she told me that Mary is nice, but that she doesn't like playing with her as much as she likes to play with her friends.  She also mentioned her friends think she is annoying because she follows them around.  So my heart broke for Mary.  I told DD that she should speak up for Mary, that her friends will like her if they play with her.  She came back from school and told me she asked Mary to join her in their "club".  She said Mary didn't say a word the whole time and that they voted as a club that they didn't want Mary in.  Did I make it worse for Mary by trying to help?  I spoke with my mom and she was adamant that kids need to deal with their social issues (that she never got herself involved in mine).  Sigh.[/quote]

It is ironic that your thread title says "do you force your kids to play with certain kids"  but if you look at the bolded part, you can see that you very much do this already.  YOU (and many other moms) force groupings/cliques/clubs by running your kids lives based on parent decisions.  So when there is that very little time of unstructured play without parents (recess) -  kids have a hard time being welcoming and learning how to socially make friends, be friends, and choose their own likes and dislikes.

The club part makes my stomach turn.  I am not sure whose idea it was in the group but it is not nice and the girls know that.  You need to nip this in the bud and get the school counselor involved.

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I noticed this as well. It is unusual for kids to have such a tight clique in third grade. It seems parent-encouraged.[/quote]

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