Reply to Got with and married to dh young, now struggling with missing out

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[quote=Anonymous]This situation sounds very complicated. Many things are changing for you in your life-your kids are older and that frees up time, you and your husband are  maturing to a new stage of life (though not together on the same page currently), and you are realizing that you have new needs you want to be met. That is a lot of change for a person, and certainly a lot to process.
 
When times like this arrive in our lives, its best to do like you are doing now and take time to pause. Find out what it is that you are needing from your current relationship with your husband and then ask him if he is willing to meet those needs. With some time for him to process the changes in you, he may find that his needs have changed too. And then you both can have some real communication together. Perhaps he was unaware of what you need and would love to try to grow with you as you explore this part of yourself?
 
In my experience, men do love their wives but are not going to pick up on things you don't say. They really need to hear it from you. They are often scared to hurt their wives if they do something wrong, and/or they want to not get rejected if they do try something new in the relationship with you. Maybe give him a chance and see where that leads to? You both have a strong history together, hopefully your investment in each other can still grow.
 
As for finding a connection with someone else, that's easy. By that I mean that when we are in the "honeymoon phase" we see another person as "perfect," but once this wears off we do see their flaws. Then we feel like we are repeating the same scenario that we did with the first partner, just with a different person. That can then set us into a negative pattern that keeps us revolving endlessly as we search for the "connection" that we feel we are missing in our lives. 
 
Please do pause and consider all the choices here. If you already have something good that just needs some TLC and time, that might be the most satisfying choice that ultimately leads to satisfaction in every aspect of your marriage. 
 
Blessings![/quote]

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