Anonymous
09/26/2016 23:08
Subject: Got with and married to dh young, now struggling with missing out
Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, you could pretty much BE me. Here is something I posted a few months ago.
It's hard to know if and when we've made the right choices in life, but I'm still here. Still wondering if I did.
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/565182.page
Op here--yes your post is pretty much exactly where I'm at!!!
Anonymous
09/26/2016 18:31
Subject: Got with and married to dh young, now struggling with missing out
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Good sex is hard to find. Then new guy will be bad at it most likely. You are better off doing it yourself- use your head and hand, and go on with your life.
This. Men who are truely great at sex have natural talent and have trained to that talent. It's like when you see a singer on American Idol who is young but knocks it out of the park or when you see Usain Bolt running a sprint. These are truely gifted people who have recognized their talent and consciously put effort towards being the best.
In 10 years of dating guys you may only encounter 2-3 of them. When you do, while very exciting, they most often have some defect that makes them not good relationship material.
Why risk a relationship with a man who you know is a great partner and your family life for the chance of meeting one of these guys who you'll most likely only date for a few months?
This.
For sure. Great lovers are born and then made.
Anonymous
09/26/2016 16:16
Subject: Got with and married to dh young, now struggling with missing out
I was looking at a Psychology Today article in a waiting room about how having FEWER partners before marriage is the recipe for marital satisfaction. Less basis for disgruntled comparisons. So you have that going for you!
Anonymous
09/26/2016 16:07
Subject: Got with and married to dh young, now struggling with missing out
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Good sex is hard to find. Then new guy will be bad at it most likely. You are better off doing it yourself- use your head and hand, and go on with your life.
This. Men who are truely great at sex have natural talent and have trained to that talent. It's like when you see a singer on American Idol who is young but knocks it out of the park or when you see Usain Bolt running a sprint. These are truely gifted people who have recognized their talent and consciously put effort towards being the best.
In 10 years of dating guys you may only encounter 2-3 of them. When you do, while very exciting, they most often have some defect that makes them not good relationship material.
Why risk a relationship with a man who you know is a great partner and your family life for the chance of meeting one of these guys who you'll most likely only date for a few months?
This.
Anonymous
09/26/2016 16:01
Subject: Re:Got with and married to dh young, now struggling with missing out
This situation sounds very complicated. Many things are changing for you in your life-your kids are older and that frees up time, you and your husband are maturing to a new stage of life (though not together on the same page currently), and you are realizing that you have new needs you want to be met. That is a lot of change for a person, and certainly a lot to process.
When times like this arrive in our lives, its best to do like you are doing now and take time to pause. Find out what it is that you are needing from your current relationship with your husband and then ask him if he is willing to meet those needs. With some time for him to process the changes in you, he may find that his needs have changed too. And then you both can have some real communication together. Perhaps he was unaware of what you need and would love to try to grow with you as you explore this part of yourself?
In my experience, men do love their wives but are not going to pick up on things you don't say. They really need to hear it from you. They are often scared to hurt their wives if they do something wrong, and/or they want to not get rejected if they do try something new in the relationship with you. Maybe give him a chance and see where that leads to? You both have a strong history together, hopefully your investment in each other can still grow.
As for finding a connection with someone else, that's easy. By that I mean that when we are in the "honeymoon phase" we see another person as "perfect," but once this wears off we do see their flaws. Then we feel like we are repeating the same scenario that we did with the first partner, just with a different person. That can then set us into a negative pattern that keeps us revolving endlessly as we search for the "connection" that we feel we are missing in our lives.
Please do pause and consider all the choices here. If you already have something good that just needs some TLC and time, that might be the most satisfying choice that ultimately leads to satisfaction in every aspect of your marriage.
Blessings!
When times like this arrive in our lives, its best to do like you are doing now and take time to pause. Find out what it is that you are needing from your current relationship with your husband and then ask him if he is willing to meet those needs. With some time for him to process the changes in you, he may find that his needs have changed too. And then you both can have some real communication together. Perhaps he was unaware of what you need and would love to try to grow with you as you explore this part of yourself?
In my experience, men do love their wives but are not going to pick up on things you don't say. They really need to hear it from you. They are often scared to hurt their wives if they do something wrong, and/or they want to not get rejected if they do try something new in the relationship with you. Maybe give him a chance and see where that leads to? You both have a strong history together, hopefully your investment in each other can still grow.
As for finding a connection with someone else, that's easy. By that I mean that when we are in the "honeymoon phase" we see another person as "perfect," but once this wears off we do see their flaws. Then we feel like we are repeating the same scenario that we did with the first partner, just with a different person. That can then set us into a negative pattern that keeps us revolving endlessly as we search for the "connection" that we feel we are missing in our lives.
Please do pause and consider all the choices here. If you already have something good that just needs some TLC and time, that might be the most satisfying choice that ultimately leads to satisfaction in every aspect of your marriage.
Blessings!