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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

It might not get you exactly what you want, no. But we don't always get exactly what we want. Getting divorced definitely won't get you exactly what you want.

You can't make another person care about the things you care about, you just can't. If you are enabling him in any way by doing things for him and even for the household, you have to stop immediately. Let him experience the consequences of his actions, even if it impacts you, too. Holding everything together is obviously killing you, so try something different. Again, getting divorced certainly ins't going to make your life any easier or make him more involved.

Regarding your kids, they can certainly take student loans. They won't die, lot's of people do it. Or you can contribute your income towards their college if you choose to do so. You don't have to like your husband's priorities, but there really isn't anything you can do about it. Nagging and demanding and begging is not a winning strategy in the long term and will only make things worse. If you feel resentful about it, then stop doing things for him that he expects and wants. When he asks about it, say "I don't really feel like doing these things for a man who won't support his children's future, sorry" matter of factly and unemotionally, and let him decide how to proceed. He will probably be absolutely shocked that he can't control you with your own needs and demands anymore. THAT is when people change.

[/quote]

If I stop shouldering all the parenting responsibilities, then the kids suffer, not him. If I don't talk to DS about that pot pipe, then DS doesn't hear from either parent that they're concerned. If I don't pay DD's tuition, then DD can't register for classes or even graduate. Sure, DD will be mad at DH for not helping, but she's already mad it him because he told her himself that he doesn't want to help with tuition. DH has little to lose, and the kids will suffer if the other parent pulls away.

BTW, I have actually stopped cleaning up after him. And we got moths, fruit flies and ants all at the same time. He doesn't care. So I don't nag him about the house. I decided long ago that if I cared about something then it was on me to do it.[/quote]

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