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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP

I find it very disheartening that people don't get that while no one ever deserves to be treated badly that there are actually strategies to command respect. If someone is treating you badly for years, you are complicit at some point and need to learn these strategies.

The culture of victimhood and indignation is not helpful to anyone. When you embody this it feels in the short term like you are taking control back, but it's actually weak and self-destructive (and destructive of others as well).

Lastly, the whole "I didn't want to model that to my kids" excuse is nauseating and I'm so tired of reading about it here. Model figuring it out to your kids.

And no, you actually CAN save a marriage even if one spouse refuses to participate. You can do things to make them WANT to work on it. Most people just prefer indignation, it's a cheap thrill frankly. [/quote]

1. I put up with it for our kids. Also because I was terrified of sharing custody with him, given his lack of parenting and other skills.
2. OK genius, how DO you save a marriage when one of the parties isn't interested in working on it? What magical "things" does one do to make him change and want to work on it? Maybe you could write a book and make millions, because millions of other people have been unable to figure this out. Enlighten us all.[/quote]

The number one thing is to take a step back and become more self-sufficient. Do the things you would do if you were single to make yourself happy and take care of yourself. Stop trying to pick at your spouse to meet your needs.

People on the board have mentioned it before, but the book Passionate Marriage is an outstanding book. It's tedious to read and a bit meandering but well worth it. 
Good luck to you. [/quote]

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