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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you've gotten a lot of feedback about how to discipline at the swimming pool and certainly your request to leave that scenario should be honored.

I think that given the fact that your son has both processing and ADHD issues you give far too much verbiage, scripting, and framing to discipline and what I will call "behavior management" -- name calling, impulse control.

When a child with processing issues and ADHD (who has a limited attention span) gets an introduction to discipline or an introduction to your reaction to his behavior like "I know that you are upset but you have to choose a better way to express that."  And then presumably you script or model the better way.  And then only thirdly, do you approach the fact that he's done something that is not acceptable and what that unacceptable thing is and what the consequence might be, if you know.

Your child has left the room mentally after Point 1, and has not processed either your script or the fact that he's done something wrong, and it sounds like you don't even know the consequence.  You've got to stop giving speeches to him.  You are not helping him.  Your message to him has to be as simple as "Stop.  You are breaking the rules."  (You have a list of very simple rules posted in your house, right?  Like no name calling?  Or "In this family, we call each other Mom, Dad, Larla, Larlette.")

Stop explaining all the time.  It doesn't help him.  It makes you feel like a good understanding mom, but it really doesn't help him at all.  A kid with processing issues and ADHD needs immediate feedback.

Special Needs Mom.

[/quote]

+1 mill.  Best reply on the thread.  He is not processing all the steps you are going through.  At this point and at this age, the whole "I see you are frustrated/angry/emotional" spiel isn't necessary.  Just skip to the meat.

As for him randomly saying the phrase, if he's not angry and you can have a conversation, just ask him casually why he's doing it (in case it's like what po said, he thinks it means something different than it does).  But really, the end result is the same-he needs to be punished just as if he were doing it out of anger (which I am sure you are doing!).  If you are going to chalk it up to ADHD impulsivity in lieu of him being able to give you a real reason, then at a calm time I would set the new rules: it's hurtful, he knows it's not ok, and WHENEVER he does it there will be consequences.  But if he can make it through the day (or however long a time period you think is appropriate, you'll be really proud of him, and he can choose from one of your usual rewards that you have set up through the positive parenting you already do.  In our house, some rewards are an extra story or additional 15 min of quiet play before lights out, extra 10 min of iPad games, they get to pick what they want for dinner (w/in reason-pizza is fine, cake is not!).

Good luck.  I can imagine how frustrating this is, but I hope if you tweak your approach as this poster said and combine it with positive rewards when he's good, it will get better.  Keep on fighting the good fight of parenting!![/quote]

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