Reply to Cousin disrespected wishes, put my family in terrible position

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. There's always someone who "doesn't care" how abusive a mother has been. Decent people do care. Child abuse and abuse of adult family members is not ok. Serious emotional abuse of a grandchild is not ok. If a family member treated not only you but your children badly, I hope you'd have the sense to protect them and yourself.

I asked no one to lie. All I asked my cousin was not to disclose that I was going. She was always welcome to tell any relative that she was going or that other cousins were. My own plans were not hers to disclose. But if you really thinks that's an outrageous expectation, the fact is that she agreed to this condition, I made my plans accordingly, then she broke her promise.

It's not reasonable or kind for me to go on vacation and then stand at the ready to leave, hailing my child off on an instant if things go south.

As for why this is different from home -- we have a system of safeguards here that we've figured out and that work for us. We also didn't want drama for other cousins and their kids if this person shows up. I don't know why it's hard to understand that I don't want other people to have to deal with her insanity on their hard-earned vacations. [/quote]

OP, I understand your predicament, I really do.  What I don't understand (and maybe because you'd like to keep the details of your mother's behavior private) is why you still can't go on vacation?  Here's my thinking:

- Your mother thinks you're going now.  She's going to show up whether or not you are there (will she even believe that you cancelled because of her?  And if she does believe it, can't you tell everyone you cancelled and show up anyway?)
- If your mother shows up anyway, your cousins are going to be subjected to her insanity anyway - whether you're there or not.

- Another point.  You are renting the house - you have the right to kick her out if she starts acting up.  And if all your cousins are there witnessing her behavior I can't imagine they'd let her continue that behavior (if they are normal like you).  It could be a matter of a few hours of crazy, all the cousins see the crazy and back you up when you tell your mother to leave or you're calling the police.  (all while a designated cousin keeps the kids out of ear/eye shot)
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