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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The thing about the yelling is that he CHOOSES to ALLOW himself to abuse you. Presumably he doesn't yell and scream at his boss, his subordinates or his mother. IT is a choice to decide how to respond to feelings of rage. The feelings may not be a choice but the response is a choice.  Would he be willing to read a book on anger or to attend anger management classes?  I left the home when the yelling started and also told my husband I would leave unless he took a class. [b]I have college aged kids and realized I did not want to be yelled at every day for the rest of my life[/b].[/quote]

A good example of what I wrote. Middle aged wives actually have more options than young or elderly wives. My former MIL is a very nice and loving woman. I have purposefully maintained a close relationship with her for the sake of my child. My former FIL is a tyrant who emotionally abused the entire family, menaces his wife, and physically abused one child (not my ex). My former in-laws are now in their 80s. She is still terrified of her husband. There was a moment when they were in their late 60s that she inherited a fairly large sum of money from her late mother. I thought that she would use it to leave. Instead, she split it up among the 5 kids and 11 grands. At the time, I urged my then-DH to tell her that we couldn't take the money because we wanted her to have funds for an apartment if she got brave enough to leave. We learned that she did it so that my former SIL could leave her DH who was emotionally abusive and throwing things around the house. She funded her DD's escape and now can't afford her own. There was a lot of hope that my former FIL would mellow with age. He has not. He was yelling at her last Friday when I saw them at the exchange with my ex. Last year, he had a bad fall and was hospitalized for a while. You could see her bloom during that time. Then her DH came home and she withered again. This year, he had a couple brushes with death from accidents and I think he survived them just so he could go on making everyone's life miserable. [/quote]

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