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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]SBU = sperm build up

It's the male version of PMS. It's easy to address: empty the pipes.

I'm totally serious. My DH has SBU after 48 hours. Keep them serviced every 24 hours and you won't have a cranky DH.

#menareeasy[/quote]

OP here. Not it. We fooled around yesterday. He's freaked out about $$$ and the messy house.[/quote]

Can you do anything about the $$$ and messy house? I mean, I know women are always given a pass to "just vent" about their husbands, but if I (a woman) were "freaked out" about money and clutter, having my anxiety labeled "freaking out" and summarily dismissed would make me feel pretty screamy, too.

You don't sound like the most compassionate person about this. Maybe that's because you're stressed about the same issues? Or your own stuff? It's so easy to paint a certain picture on the internet, but these things do have a cause. And since they're happening repeatedly, part of the situation is you. You can claim victim status, and attempt to duck responsibility for your own involvement by blaming him, but think long and hard about whether or not he truly just "snaps" or if there's repeated behaviors that trigger it.

Of course, you may decide you don't care about what you're doing to contribute. That's also your right.

Good luck.[/quote]

PP, I work hard on my own issues which include ADD. Medication, therapy, meditation, and more. One of our children has also been in therapy and on an anti-depressant.  What just snapped for me tonight is that my husband always needs things his way, or he criticizes. This is a dumb example, but it's what triggered the yelling. He went grocery shopping - I offered, but he likes to go and says I spend too much money when I go. I was outside gardening when he returned, and I heard sounds near the trash like things being thrown or moved. I went over and he was furious that I had put the small, open recycling container upside down. I did this so that the rain wouldn't stick inside and attract mosquitoes. I tried to explain, but he just went off on a tirade and asked why I hadn't cleaned while he was gone. Well, we were supposed to clean as a family but after his outburst we just stopped talking and I cleaned while he worked and began dinner. I sent regretsave  to a former colleague's party at a sumptuous House with a rooftop deck for perfect viewing of the fireworks over the Washington Monument. Just a horrible time today and all I can think about is asking him to go stay at a colleague's house.[/quote]

Op life does not have to be like this.  Get a separation.  He can decide if he wants to work on his problems or not, accept that he may never want to.  Try to go to couple's therapy to work on coparenting successfully.  But put this toxic relationship on hold so you can have peace in your own life.  [/quote]

...or, maybe he feels like she isn't pulling her weight?

Again: he wasn't mad about the recycling container. He was mad that while he was grocery shopping for the family, she was enjoying herself in the garden instead of being productive and cleaning. He feels like she blows money at the grocery store (and up thread she said he's worried about money---maybe she blows money on other things?), and he feels like she isn't doing her part around the house.

We don't know this couple. We are only hearing her side.

If they saw a therapist together, the therapist would drill down to see why he's having outbursts. The therapist would tell them that he isn't really mad about the recycling container---he's reached his breaking point because he feels like she isn't pulling her weight, she's adding to his stress by overspending, etc.

Unless that's not true.

Is it possible he's type A and likes things a certain way, and she's way too laid back? Ie: maybe they just aren't a good match? [/quote]

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