Reply to S/O playdates, socializing and SES

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This thread is somewhat amusing. I particularly love the low income moms replies and agree with a lot of what she says (although we are not low income now, both DH and I grew up that way). [b]I'm also curious as to how previous posters know what other people's SES is[/b], or are people just assuming these families are low income? People assume all of the time that our family is low income, and quite frankly I believe it's because [b]we are young minorities, and, outside of work, have a more "urban" way of dressing.[/b] In all other respects we're pretty DCUM average. What's funny is the moment I open my mouth, white/ high income individuals seem to be taken aback by the fact that I'm actually articulate. They're even more surprised when/if they ever make it to my house. Maybe people are not coming to your parties because of the deeper assumptions you are making about who they are; their level of income, language and other abilities. [/quote]

I think you answered your own question.  We are also a minority family (I'll say black or Latino), and I commented earlier in the thread that I'm sure people make assumptions about us too.  My husband is typically dressed down at dropoff and pickup (hoodies, sweats, etc.) but is actually a physician with a pretty rarefied upbringing (elite boarding schools & universities).  You wouldn't know at first glance, though.[/quote]

But inquiring minds want to know: do you go to playdates and birthday parties at the white kids' houses?  If not, why not?[/quote]

I'm the poster who posted this ... and yes, I ABSOLUTELY do. What's more important to me is that the invite/host be genuine in wanting us/ our kids there and that our children are comfortable. I went to a pretty elite NYC private (on scholarship) and was the "token" for years, so figuring this out is not difficult. If I feel like the host is not genuine, I will still attend, for my kids, but I may limit the amount of time we stay at a party or if we continue to schedule playdates.

DH is mixed (black/white), and, ironically, is the less tolerant one (less inclined to want to attend functions at white family's homes). This is likely due to negative experiences growing up mixed, but he will also attend for the kids (or me if I don't want to go alone). Like me, he is more concerned with whether the hosts are genuine, and his experiences haven't been as positive in this regard as mine. I'd imagine gender plays a role in this as well, but can't speak definitively about his experiences/reasons.

FWIW both of our siblings are married across the spectrum, nieces and nephews range from lily-white/blonde/blue eyes to dark brown/kinky curly/black hair and eyes ... our Christmas card could be a United Colors of Benetton ad ;-)
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