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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I took him once for help when he was 8, but was told to make him feel more "connected" to me, to "count."  [/quote]

I feel like this is the key but you overlooked it.  Can you and DC1 do some things together without DC2?  Whatever his favorite thing is, can you experience that with him and share in his enjoyment of it?  My ds is almost that age and aside from the things you already said DC1 doesn't like you could try:  youtube videos of people playing video games he likes; mini golf; amusement park; those video game/jumping places; a movie he wants to see; skating/skateboarding; playing his favorite video game with him; taking him to his favorite restaurant or together making his favorite food; swimming pool/swim park and going on the tube rides with him; listening to his favorite music.

Also, lots of positive reinforcement and not freaking out when he is disrespectful, but calmly saying something like, that's not how we speak to each other in this family, and meaning it (and modeling it).

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