Reply to Is it okay to divorce a remorseful cheater when you have kids?

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Reply to "Is it okay to divorce a remorseful cheater when you have kids?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I stayed with my remorseful husband. He did everything right, went to therapy, acknowledged his own issues, etc. things were really wonderful for about 18 months. Then everything went south again. He didn't have another affair, but he withdrew from me, started avoiding me, and after about a year of that finally said he was unhappy and moved out.

He is, fundamentally, a very unhappy and insecure person. Am I the perfect wife-no. But anytime he's unhappy with anything (job, friends, marriage) his solution is to run. He seeks validation from external sources-always looking for the next experience or person that will fill up the emptiness inside him. Throw in 2 young kids and I couldn't give him the level of support that he needs to feel whole. In retrospect, I made a lot of mistakes in how I related to him-but I also know that he could have found ways to twist anything I did or said.

I find the whole thing heartbreaking. He is depressed, and he is on meds and in therapy, but he's struggled with this for years. He's a great person in many ways, but it makes him a lousy husband. I tolerated a lot, but this time apart has really opened my eyes as to how much harder things are when he's in the house and I'm always trying to reassure him, or keep the kids from bugging him, or wondering where the hell he is when he doesn't come home after work.

He's probably a better father now that he isn't busy avoiding me. I hate losing time with my kids, and I hate losing the good parts of my marriage, but I'm slowly and painfully coming to the realization that he isn't cut out for marriage-or at least not marriage to me. It devastates me that my kids are losing out on an intact family-but I also think it's better for them to have a father who doesn't hate me and to not watch us suffer through a bad marriage. I sincerely hope he finds happiness, though I worry of course that he's enjoying the temporary boost of new living circumstances, less responsibilities, etc but that it will wear off in a year or so and he'll be unhappy again but now without the support of his family to keep things going. [/quote]

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