Reply to Is it okay to divorce a remorseful cheater when you have kids?

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Reply to "Is it okay to divorce a remorseful cheater when you have kids?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think men are different from women. [b]Digging deep just may not be possible in the same way it is for us[/b]. Where does that leave us? I don't know. He is who he is - take it or leave it. So sorry you are all going through this. I just don't know what I would do. Divorce is awful for kids. I was a child of divorce myself.[/quote]

There is some truth to this.

OP, I could be your husband.  I had about a year long affair about 6 years ago.  Affair ended.  Wife never found out.  We are very happily married although I know many people here will dispute that is possible.

If you ask me candidly why did I do it, there was no existential reason - it was a combination of lack of sex in the marriage which comes standard with young kids, and wanting to feel desired again - something other than duty sex.  I found another woman in a similar situation and we went for it.  I liked and cared for my AP and I am sure some emails will be really hurtful if read today, but it wasn't some deep love affair.

There is no digging I could do, after the fact.  I gave in to the same desires I have always had, that don't magically go away when marriage comes.  It really was as simple as: beautiful available woman, penis took charge, lonely at home = affair.  Its not a pathology.  Men seem to understand this.

Good luck to you.[/quote]

Op,if this sounds like your H run, divorce.... Get out.

This man has no clue. He thinks his circumstances caused his affair, which means he could do it again given the right circumstances.... All men/women feel this way at some point in their marriage....most are faithful, some are not.

He didn't even want his AP ... He treats women like something he uses and disposes.

The ones that can't figure out why they cheat, are simply put cheaters, that is what they do when the going get rough. Find a strong, faithful man.

He doesn't even have any awareness of who he is and why he does the things he does. It is very typical, men of our generation were raised to have no control or responsibility for how hey use other people.

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