Reply to Is it okay to divorce a remorseful cheater when you have kids?

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Reply to "Is it okay to divorce a remorseful cheater when you have kids?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I could have written your post with only minor differences in the facts. And I think I'm in the exact same place you are. I just don't know if this is going to work. I'm working my ass off in therapy trying to figure it out.

One thing I've recently come to realize, though, is:  My DH is remorseful in as much as he confessed, broke it off, says he's sorry, goes to therapy, buys me flowers, etc, etc. Yet I don't think he's really trying, or wants to try, to understand or change anything about himself that led this to happen. And that includes his share of the state of our relationship when he started the affair. He says he wants to fix things, but he just isn't digging deep and I can't tell if he can't, won't, or doesn't know how.

I've only recently realized how much this is contributing to my ambivalence. I think in part because it took until about month 4 to not be in full fledged panic. And until month 6 or so to realize I couldn't fix things on my own. I'm now coming to realize I can have some patience for him to get to these things, but it's not infinite. And at some point it's the right, selfish thing for me to move on. And that's the right choice for all of us in the end.

Maybe that's helpful perspective. At the very least, know you're not alone. Wishing you all the luck in finding the best path for you. [/quote]

OP here.  Thanks, PP.  I feel the same way.  If my husband would just do some soul searching and dig deep, I would be so more open.  I asked him to do a few things (like more involvement in household planning issues) to help with the relationship generally and he really hasn't done them.  One major thing I asked was for him to seek individual therapy, but he has only gone a couple of times over the past year and is very defeatist about it being worthwhile.

I wish there was an in-person support group where we could talk and drink bad coffee.  My friends are amazing but I don't want to be a broken record.[/quote]

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