Reply to 2nd grade girl drama - start with teacher or counselor?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How old are you kids? Can't they work it out themselves? Why do you need to be involved?[/quote]

Why is it wrong to want to help your kid? I see this all the time on dcum and I don't understand. [/quote]

I don't get this either. If my daughter came to me for help, of course I would try to help her!  On the other hand, if she would rather try to handle it herself, I'd support her in that, too -- I would try to strategize with her on how to handle it, but would stand back.

I saw this on the playground over the weekend  -- a toddler was trying to climb down from something, got stuck, and was crying for mommy. The mom just stood there and kept saying, "You can do it!" Uh no, she couldn't, that's why she was crying and stuck. If your kid asks you for help and you refuse to give it, you're just teaching her that when she needs you, you won't be there for her. That's something I certainly don't want to teach my kids.[/quote]

And every article about the current generation of college students says they don't know how to handle uncomfortable situations or solve their own problems because they are used to their parents getting them out of every situation.  Best advice someone once gave to me: Don't do something for your kid that they can do themselves. Their self-esteem and confidence in their own abilities is absolutely something that needs to be nurtured and grown. When they solve a problem like this themselves, they feel a lot of ownership in the solution and pride in their ability to handle conflict.

That being said, if your kid has tried to work something out and can't, or is overly upset about social dynamics or starting to refuse going to school (or other behaviors that show they are not handling things well), by all means get involved. But do it in a way that gives your kid power and doesn't give the mean kid more power.

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