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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Thanks 19:51. That's pretty much how I'm trying to be. We've done a little "troubleshooting" where we talk about things people could say that aren't supportive, and what they usually are trying to say rather than the negativity.

Honestly, I've suspected she was gay for a while, but she threw me for a loop by having a crush on a boy last year. (She said she was just pretending so she could fit in with her friends.) I doubt that it's a phase, but I understand that sexuality is fluid and she could find herself with different preferences in the future. She is what she is though, and right now she's only attracted to girls, and that's ok. She said she realized it at the beginning of 7th grade (she's in 8th now), so it's been nearly 2 years now that she's identified as gay. [/quote]

19:51 here. That all sounds about right. I had many "crushes" on boys when I was exactly that age, because it seemed like the thing all the other girls were doing. And obviously it is common to experiment (both directions, by straight kids and gay kids!) in college before really "figuring it out." None of this makes any of our feelings or identities any less valid. It just is what it is. I think it's super cool that your daughter and so many other kids are growing up in environments where they feel safe enough to come out at such a young age. I certainly did not come out in middle school (or high school) -- very, very few kids were, and they had a tough time (but I suspect that I wasn't the only closeted classmate who secretly envied their bravery).

It's not entirely clear to me who exactly is on this site, but keep in mind that since this is a parenting website, many of us are in our 30s or 40s. So if the gay people responding to you are of that age, we turned 13 when the AIDS epidemic was a very recent memory (or continuing); when gay marriage was allowed in Hawaii for a minute, but it caused such a commotion that it was quickly revoked and DOMA became a thing to protect the rest of the country; ellen came out of the closet, but then our parents said we couldn't watch it anymore; gay characters were played by straight actors and openly lgbt celebrities and vocal allies were rare . . . Basically, we lived in a really awesome time relative to the generation before us who marched in Stonewall and dealt with police raids, but there still wasn't much that would inspire us to come out of the closet that young.

I don't say this to dismiss your daughter's coming out experience, because the fact is any kind of difference at age 13 is super scary as far as I can remember. But your daughter may actually be more secure in her identity than many of us were. She probably has more friends who are "cool with it," she's probably listened to Lady Gaga speak or listened to Ryan McAvoy, and it sounds like you hardly blinked . . .

She's going to be completely fine. To read the responses here, you'd think you were trying to send her to a conversion camp ala 'but i'm a cheerleader' . . .  
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