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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"Gay" is different from "retarded."  Saying something is gay in a negative way is offensive because there's nothing inherently negative about being gay.  However, there IS something inherently negative about being retarded.  Yes, I know it sucks for all involved, but it's still the appropriate word in many cases.[/quote]

Your thinking that "being retarded" (or having an intellectual disability) is something negative is the problem.  When people use the term "retarded" to mean "bad" in the presence of people with intellectual disability, this is what they hear.  "You are something negative.  You are so bad that I use you as an analogy for other bad things.  I insult people by comparing them to you."

I find it sad, but sadly not surprising how much the conversation here is about how the family members of people with intellectual disabilities feel.  Or how the professionals who support individuals with intellectual disabilities feel about these words.  That's irrelevant.  The question is, how do people with intellectual disabilities feel when they over hear someone use a core part of their identity as an insult.

I can answer that question from my perspective as a special educator.  When my kids come back from the cafeteria, and report that they heard a conversation two tables over, or as they walked through the hallway, they feel as though they don't belong.  They feel less than and excluded.  Because people only use that word as an insult if they think one of two things.  1) I don't give a fuck if I hurt someone with an intellectual disability or 2) People with intellectual disabilities wouldn't be around me, they don't belong where I am.  They belong somewhere else.

When my students are out in public, on a field trip, or as part of an extracurricular activity, and they hear that word, it saps their confidence.  It makes it that much harder for them to advocate for themselves.

And before someone replies that they would never use that word when someone with an intellectual disability can hear, I'll point out that some of my students are visibly disabled, and some aren't.  You don't know who is around.  You don't know who is listening.[/quote]

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