Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 19:22     Subject: Re:people using the R-word
Back in the day, retarded and gay were widely used as adjectives. Nowadays there are new words that have replaced them like Down syndrome or homosexual. I would never use those words now, but I do have a nostalgia for them because it was funny back then and everyone is so politically correct and uptight now. What was funny was not making fun of chromosomally challenged people or LGBT folks, but the shock value of using those words was funny. You can be as politically correct as you want, but there is no changing the fact that shocking=funny.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 19:00     Subject: people using the R-word
TwistdMike wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh I thought it was republican.



I also thought this.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 17:33     Subject: people using the R-word
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"Gay" is different from "retarded." Saying something is gay in a negative way is offensive because there's nothing inherently negative about being gay. However, there IS something inherently negative about being retarded. Yes, I know it sucks for all involved, but it's still the appropriate word in many cases.



Your thinking that "being retarded" (or having an intellectual disability) is something negative is the problem. When people use the term "retarded" to mean "bad" in the presence of people with intellectual disability, this is what they hear. "You are something negative. You are so bad that I use you as an analogy for other bad things. I insult people by comparing them to you."

I find it sad, but sadly not surprising how much the conversation here is about how the family members of people with intellectual disabilities feel. Or how the professionals who support individuals with intellectual disabilities feel about these words. That's irrelevant. The question is, how do people with intellectual disabilities feel when they over hear someone use a core part of their identity as an insult.

I can answer that question from my perspective as a special educator. When my kids come back from the cafeteria, and report that they heard a conversation two tables over, or as they walked through the hallway, they feel as though they don't belong. They feel less than and excluded. Because people only use that word as an insult if they think one of two things. 1) I don't give a fuck if I hurt someone with an intellectual disability or 2) People with intellectual disabilities wouldn't be around me, they don't belong where I am. They belong somewhere else.

When my students are out in public, on a field trip, or as part of an extracurricular activity, and they hear that word, it saps their confidence. It makes it that much harder for them to advocate for themselves.

And before someone replies that they would never use that word when someone with an intellectual disability can hear, I'll point out that some of my students are visibly disabled, and some aren't. You don't know who is around. You don't know who is listening.


If we outlawed all words that hurt people's feelings, it'd be a long list. The fact is being retarded IS a negative. No one WANTS to be retarded.


No one is talking about outlawing anything. You can make a choice to be kind, even when it's legal to be unkind.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 16:55     Subject: people using the R-word
Yes, there's nothing to do except teach kindness and common sense. Same as kids calling a kid fat!
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 16:48     Subject: people using the R-word
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"Gay" is different from "retarded." Saying something is gay in a negative way is offensive because there's nothing inherently negative about being gay. However, there IS something inherently negative about being retarded. Yes, I know it sucks for all involved, but it's still the appropriate word in many cases.



Your thinking that "being retarded" (or having an intellectual disability) is something negative is the problem. When people use the term "retarded" to mean "bad" in the presence of people with intellectual disability, this is what they hear. "You are something negative. You are so bad that I use you as an analogy for other bad things. I insult people by comparing them to you."

I find it sad, but sadly not surprising how much the conversation here is about how the family members of people with intellectual disabilities feel. Or how the professionals who support individuals with intellectual disabilities feel about these words. That's irrelevant. The question is, how do people with intellectual disabilities feel when they over hear someone use a core part of their identity as an insult.

I can answer that question from my perspective as a special educator. When my kids come back from the cafeteria, and report that they heard a conversation two tables over, or as they walked through the hallway, they feel as though they don't belong. They feel less than and excluded. Because people only use that word as an insult if they think one of two things. 1) I don't give a fuck if I hurt someone with an intellectual disability or 2) People with intellectual disabilities wouldn't be around me, they don't belong where I am. They belong somewhere else.

When my students are out in public, on a field trip, or as part of an extracurricular activity, and they hear that word, it saps their confidence. It makes it that much harder for them to advocate for themselves.

And before someone replies that they would never use that word when someone with an intellectual disability can hear, I'll point out that some of my students are visibly disabled, and some aren't. You don't know who is around. You don't know who is listening.


If we outlawed all words that hurt people's feelings, it'd be a long list. The fact is being retarded IS a negative. No one WANTS to be retarded.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 15:31     Subject: people using the R-word
Anonymous wrote:"Gay" is different from "retarded." Saying something is gay in a negative way is offensive because there's nothing inherently negative about being gay. However, there IS something inherently negative about being retarded. Yes, I know it sucks for all involved, but it's still the appropriate word in many cases.



Your thinking that "being retarded" (or having an intellectual disability) is something negative is the problem. When people use the term "retarded" to mean "bad" in the presence of people with intellectual disability, this is what they hear. "You are something negative. You are so bad that I use you as an analogy for other bad things. I insult people by comparing them to you."

I find it sad, but sadly not surprising how much the conversation here is about how the family members of people with intellectual disabilities feel. Or how the professionals who support individuals with intellectual disabilities feel about these words. That's irrelevant. The question is, how do people with intellectual disabilities feel when they over hear someone use a core part of their identity as an insult.

I can answer that question from my perspective as a special educator. When my kids come back from the cafeteria, and report that they heard a conversation two tables over, or as they walked through the hallway, they feel as though they don't belong. They feel less than and excluded. Because people only use that word as an insult if they think one of two things. 1) I don't give a fuck if I hurt someone with an intellectual disability or 2) People with intellectual disabilities wouldn't be around me, they don't belong where I am. They belong somewhere else.

When my students are out in public, on a field trip, or as part of an extracurricular activity, and they hear that word, it saps their confidence. It makes it that much harder for them to advocate for themselves.

And before someone replies that they would never use that word when someone with an intellectual disability can hear, I'll point out that some of my students are visibly disabled, and some aren't. You don't know who is around. You don't know who is listening.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 14:48     Subject: people using the R-word
"You know, 'retarded' has become a slur in social settings. Especially in your line of work you're bound to come across someone who really takes offense to it. I'd really try to break that habit and pick a new word to use before someone makes a huge issue out of it. You may not realize they are judging you but it could cost you a lot professionally"
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 14:35     Subject: people using the R-word
OP, I would be very surprised if you could stop people from using this word (as the comments here indicate). I have an otherwise-nice coworker who will not stop using it, even though every time she does, I say, "Please don't use that word."
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 14:20     Subject: people using the R-word
You must be young
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 12:36     Subject: people using the R-word
"Gay" is different from "retarded." Saying something is gay in a negative way is offensive because there's nothing inherently negative about being gay. However, there IS something inherently negative about being retarded. Yes, I know it sucks for all involved, but it's still the appropriate word in many cases.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 12:30     Subject: people using the R-word
"Retarded" is just a word. You have freighted it with too much meaning, OP. Retarded means behind or slow. Granted, the way some people in your life are using it is absurd. But in and of itself it's not a "bad" word. For example, you could say "The plant's growth was retarded by lack of sunlight." In art, a "retarded" style means that it's not in the current fashion.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 12:19     Subject: people using the R-word
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I have a retarded brother. He is mentally retarded. The word retarded does not bother me. What bothers me is that my brother will never walk or feed himself.

Find something real to be unhappy about.


+1. I have someone in my extended family with Downs. "Retarded" doesn't bother me and I have used it myself in the past! Someone mentioned "that's so gay"--I have also said this! And yet....I am very supportive of the gay community and rights, as well as with people with disabilities. So, ask her not to say it around YOU. That's completely reasonable to ask. But overall these sort of phrases are assigned far too much weight.

+2
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 12:13     Subject: people using the R-word
Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I have a retarded brother. He is mentally retarded. The word retarded does not bother me. What bothers me is that my brother will never walk or feed himself.

Find something real to be unhappy about.


+1. I have someone in my extended family with Downs. "Retarded" doesn't bother me and I have used it myself in the past! Someone mentioned "that's so gay"--I have also said this! And yet....I am very supportive of the gay community and rights, as well as with people with disabilities. So, ask her not to say it around YOU. That's completely reasonable to ask. But overall these sort of phrases are assigned far too much weight.
TwistdMike
Post 04/16/2016 09:34     Subject: people using the R-word
Anonymous wrote:Oh I thought it was republican.


Anonymous
Post 04/16/2016 09:31     Subject: people using the R-word
Honestly, I stopped policing other people's speech regarding this word when my close friend with a severely mentally handicapped child referred to something as "retarded".

I don't use the term but honestly this huge campaign just seems like overkill. I work wil special needs people and I or their family members/other care takers would never refer to them as "retarded" or "retards". In the campaign with the girl from glee she says "it's not okay to call me retarded" and it's not. We don't refer to disabled people as retarded. This is different from the fact that using "gay" as a descriptor is bad because people actually identify as gay. Intellectually disabled people don't identify as "retards".