Reply to Lack of Sex starting to cause issues/fights

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I feel for you.  I really do.  Duty sex is depressing.  BUT.

First, your wife does not enjoy sex because it is physically painful for her!  You need to help her resolve the pain issue before she will want to have sex.  Find a pelvic pain specialist and make the appointment.

Second, she really is trying to meet you in the middle with duty sex.  She's offering it to you even though it hurts her physically.  I'm not saying you have to have duty sex if you don't want to, but doesn't it mean something that she's willing to endure the pain, for you?  I get that you don't actually want it, but doesn't the thought mean anything?  It sounds like the cards and hints are her way of trying to do her part, even though she can't actually get to sex.

Third, you are demanding something (genuine sexual desire) that she has no idea how to provide.  It's not like she can just summon it up at will.  (Kind of like how her weight gain is difficult for your desire, or how you aren't interested in the evenings, right?)  You can't just demand that she desire you, any more than she can demand that you desire her.   You say you're "not bitching about how my wife doesn't want sexy time"-- but that is exactly what you're complaining about.  You said "Main problem is our sex life is dead."  You don't want duty sex, so what do you actually want?  Her to more convincingly pretend to enjoy sex?

This will not get better until you resolve the pelvic pain, and then you sound like you both have some relationship work to do.  And I do think you should see your therapist for some support.  This is a difficult time in your life and you deserve someone to listen and support you.[/quote]

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