Reply to Men: would you be willing to purchase an engagement ring for a woman?

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Reply to "Men: would you be willing to purchase an engagement ring for a woman?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP sounds very very cheap. This is just a way of making excuses to not buy something expensive. Being cheap is really a red flag for other issues. If I was the girlfriend, I would not marry someone with this line of thinking. It's a preview of bigger issues to come. [/quote]

Women can say that being cheap is a red flag for other issues, but really it's not. If you want another person to give you stuff, own it. If it were truly "a red flag for other issues," you'd see the concern about cheapness running both ways between the sexes in approximately equal measure. But you don't. Men don't expect much in the way of material things from women, and when women don't provide those material things, it's not "a red flag for other issues." [/quote]

"men don't expect much in the way of material things from women."

This may be true in the sense that men don't expect expensive tangible gifts.  BUT, over the course of a relationship, especially a lifelong one, generally, men expect a LOT of unpaid labor from women and, frequently, that women make choices that give up their own earning power in favor of their husband's or child's welfare.   This IS actually a MATERIAL gift to men.  Men just don't perceive it that way because they perceive a woman's time and energy as having no or less value than their own, male, time and energy.   Frankly, it's a material gift that adds up to a hell of lot more value than an engagement ring.

Perhaps OP is the rare true feminist that his so completely aware of himself that he never makes these kinds of material demands on the women in his life, but IME, most men do this, and many of them don't ever realize they're doing it.   
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Assuming for the sake of argument that you're right -- what's a red flag for this expectation of labor that's equivalent to the red flag women see with respect to material support when a man won't fork out a bunch of money on a ring?[/quote]

I don't think the red flags you're asking about are equivalent situations.

Anyway if I had an answer to "what is the red flag that signals that a man is going to expect unpaid labor from the woman, " none of those guys would ever be able to get married because no woman would voluntarily sign up for that deal when laid out in explicit terms in advance.  ( Love you honey, but I expect in return for you to do for more unpaid and unvalued labor and support than I will do for you.).

I could become a very rich relationship speaker with a book and Oprah-like show if I could help women spot and stay away from these guys.

Of course, that would mean staying away from a very high percentage of men since basically our whole culture and governing structure reinforces these expectations as norms.  [/quote]

I think PP was asking what is the red flag that men should look for that indicates that a woman will not, in fact, provide all this free labor that you mentioned before that women provide in a marriage.[/quote]

We dont care about giving red flags to men... at all.[/quote]

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